01 July 2008

Open Letters 5

Dear sweet, precious, twins o’ mine:
How come every other kid I know who has gone through this “run around half-naked potty training” technique has figured out day-time potty use within 48 to 72 hours? Even the poop part? How come we’re still pissing on the carpet and in our panties/undies? Seriously? What kind of weird-ass wiring is going on up there in your toddler brains that no matter how gentle I am, how cajoling, how convincing, the same muscles used to soil a diaper can't be used to soil a toilet? For the love of baby Jesus why?!?
Love, Crazy Mama

Dear J-man:

Honey. I know you’re needy. I know you're only one. But I’m potty training your older brother and sister. Could you just cool it? Seriously? Could you just find a quiet corner to chew on a cardboard book, or even torture one of the cats? They love torture. Really. Just for five to seven minutes? Pleeeaaase? I hate to beg.
Love, Yo Mama

Dear Medical Board Certification people:
Based on my experiences over the last three days with my twins I feel I have the talent necessary to be a urologist, proctologist, and child psychologist. Yes, all three. And I don't need medical school or an internship. I've got it going on after three days of potty training. So, I'd like my certificate for the wall and my license to practice these three areas of medicine? 'Kay?
Thnxbai! Dr. Heather

Dear Fellow Citizens of the People's Republic of Blogistan:
Thanks for your patience regarding two days of potty training whining. I've also been whining about it on Twitter for four days and I promise, after this week, you may only be forced to listen to this topic... five- or six-hundred more times. You guys rawk!
Yours 4-ever, CMGD

10 comments:

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Bitch all you want, hon. Actually, you can bitch all you want times TWO. I know how stressful all this is. At least you have had some success on the pot. I've tricked LittleMan a few times by asking him to fart for me. That made him pee, but sadly does not work every time. Just hang in there and even though I know you won't, I'll tell you anyway. Cut yourself some slack. Have a sip of that yummy coffee and remember that you are an awesome mom.

Bucky said...

I may have to read up on this “run around half-naked potty training” technique. We've been using pull-ups.

Miss Britt said...

I'm curious...

what made you decide to start potty training them? Do they wake up dry or go for a long period of time without accidents?

I'm trying to assuage my own guilt here about recommending this plan to you. LOL

Donna said...

Go ahead and have a good bitch-fest - just don't manage to train them before my son because then I might have to hunt you down ... and give you my son for a week or two.

Avitable said...

I run around and pee on the floors too.

Employee No. 3699 said...

You know people that have potty trained their kids in 2 -3 days? I think that's great, but my experience is that it usually takes a little longer, especially staying dry through the night.

I'm just wondering how old are your twins now and how old were these Potty Prodigies?

Hang in there, there's a light at the end of the tunnel...

Molly's Mom said...

If you can't bitch about it here, then where else? They'll get there!

Sheila (Charm School Reject) said...

How old are your twins? [I'm new here.]

My son was three (or so) when we started and he got the hang of peeing pretty much right away. His first night minus pull ups I put those plastic underwear things over his big boy undies and he hated it so I told him as long as he didn't pee the bed, he could go in just the big boy underwear. He never had a wet night [obviously, over the last 3.5 years there have been a few but not related to being un-potty trained]. It took him a good six months or so before he 100% got the poop thing down. YUCK. Let me tell you, the last month or so were not my finest mommy moments.

Maybe they just aren't ready?

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I know you don't know me, but I have been lurking and wanted to comment. I sat my punk down on her potty chair in front of the tv and gave her sparkling flavored water (which she thought was coke, so she wanted to drink mass quantities of it) and just kept on filling up the cup. Eventually she would pee while watching TV and when she did, I threw her a party. We busted out party hats and I had cheap presents that I had pre-wrapped for her and she got to open one every time. Worked great for me! Maybe you could try that?

Good luck!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

NATUI - Mmmmm, coffee. Dang it! You got me off track!

Bucky - Dude, with girls? It works, man! Boys take a little longer.

Britt - Don't you dare feel guilty! We're doing this to get them ready for Montessori pre-school next month.

Donna - Um, Miss-Miss is officially training. Bubba has a few more days (or weeks) to get it. Don't kill me!

Avitable - Which is why Britt is constantly trying to kill you!

Employee #3699 - Yeah. I'm figuring out that it takes several years of re-enforcing it.

Molly's Mom - Thanks, hon!

Sheila - Miss-Miss has it down. Poop and pee. Bubba hasn't made the connection of "Gee, I'm crossing my legs and doing the pee-pee dance, maybe I need to go to the potty!" That will take a little longer, I believe. But I've otherwise had some success since this post. Thanks for reading!

Dirty Pirate Hooker - LOVE the handle, girlfriend! Glad you de-lurked! You are too funny! What an awesome technique! Hmmmm, might have to pop in the Cinderella...