Why I'm Glad I Didn't Live in 19th-Century America*
1. David Carradine is much cooler as Bill than as an abusive slave-owner. No contest. The samurai sword wins every time.
2. Four words: Cheesy. Major. Network. Mini-series.
3. The lack of satellite TV in 1860 would be heartbreaking. I wouldn't know of satellite TV's future existence, but still. I'm pretty sure I'd be bored out of my gourd.
4. In the 19th century, I wouldn't be known as a Blogger but rather That loony woman up the road who never leaves her house and writes crazy pamphlets. Oh, and? She smells.
5. Hot Patrick Swayze/Lesley-Anne Down sex. Yummy.
6. I could watch Gone With The Wind, but damn it, Vivien Leigh's attempt at a Southern accent gives me the willies.
7. A young Jonathan Frakes? Without a beard? Playing a wuss? Kinda funny.
8. DAMN! This Thin Mint is orgasmi... wait. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. No Girl Scout cookies in 19th century America. Mphffff. Crunch. Snort! I'm pretty sure of that.
9. Lewis Smith! LEWIS FRAKKING SMITH, people! Also known as Perfect Tommy in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension? Look at what you've made me do. Now I'm going to have to watch that movie. And listen to Ty-man roll his eyes. Because, believe me, he rolls his eyes so hard during this movie that I can hear them two seats over. But I don't care. Because it's Peter Weller! Looking sexy! And the Hong Kong Cavaliers! With aliens who speak Rastafarian and are named John Smallberries and John Bigboote! And... wait. What the fuck were we just talking about?
10. It was rough living as a woman in the 1800s. Honestly. No indoor plumbing. No jeans. And no TAMPONS! Fer cryin' out loud, it was barbaric.
* Yeah. It's a mixed-bag. I couldn't make up my mind. Kind of buzzing over here from all the Thin Mints.