I've thought about it. Long and hard. And I've figured out those things that will make my life easier. More livable, if you will.
A stainless steel kitchen!
And I don't just mean stainless steel appliances. Nay. I mean appliances, walls, counter tops, cabinets, floors, tables and chairs, everything, with a drain in the middle. Because at the end of the day I just want to hose it all down and go to bed.
Four of these. Throughout the house. The toilets, doof, not the coke-snorting ho:
Kids' clothes made of paper!
That way, at the end of the day, they just go in the incinerator.
The clothes, not the kids. But, of course, we could just not worry about clothes at all if we...
Live in a nudist colony!
To make it through this life, I have to do one load of laundry every day (wash, dry, put away), even when I'm sick. Because if I miss a day, the frakking clothes pile up and I find myself buried underneath undies, jeans, shirts, yadda, yadda. So I want to live in a nudist colony. No clothes? No laundry? No problem!
To get promoted from HOA Empress to HOA Goddess!
That way, all the other residents have to leave me food offerings. And I'll never again have to cook.
The invention of the politician incinerator!
Every time some idiot in Washington utters the word "bipartisan," he or she gets pitched to their death in an incinerator. Special elections will abound! Mwha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
And those piddling requests? Would make life just dandylicious. Care to add to the list? Go for it!