24 June 2009

Sod Off!

I hate solicitors. I'm too much of a wuss to say no to the college student selling newspaper subscriptions even though I loathe the local newspaper. And when the handyman ringing my doorbell looks like a serial killer? I still let him clean out my gutters for a ridiculous price. Of course, when the young Mormon missionaries visit, I just want to sit them down to a pot of coffee and to some Skinemax, even when I know the Jesus talk will inevitably follow.

And when they all leave, I'm bitter about the whole process. I'm pissed that I've just bought six months of the AJC that I'll never read. I'm irritated that those Jehovah's Witnesses just gave me a copy of The Watchtower that I'll throw away. And I've rolled my eyes at the handymurderer so many times that he's bound to come back at 2AM and set fire to my cats. I hate being mean to people. And I hate confrontation. And I can't stand having my doorbell rung when I'm in the middle of a diaper change.

So? I went the passive-aggressive route. Observe:


Yep. This sign hangs outside my door. And believe it or not? It works. I've seen people walk up to my door, clipboard in hand, pamphlets in pocket, reach for my doorbell, pause, then walk away. Quickly.

Please, feel free to copy it and hang it next to your door and watch the solicitations disappear!

Now, if I could just get rid of those pesky Republican National Committee phone calls...

31 comments:

HEATHER said...

I LOVE this sign and will probably copy it!! The next RNC phone call you get start in about how unhappy you are with Michael Steele, and how he is just too much of a liberal and how Fred Thompson or Ron Paul should really be President, then hang up on them! I haven't had a call for two weeks.
The worst of the door to door people are the ones selling meat off the back of a truck!! I'm sorry I don't want your steaks that I don't know where they come from.

LeSombre said...

LovelyWife won't let me use a similar sign. Mine had graphics, because some of those people just can't read.

Avitable said...

Hahahaha - you're a cranky old lady!

And all you have to do is convince Ty that he's actually a Democrat. We all know he really is, too.

A Free Man said...

Sinead made me take the 'Australia Post Only' sign off the mailbox because she likes to see what's on sale. So now we get my body weight in flyers every week.

Geekgrl64 said...

OMG! I LOVE this sign! I totally needed it the other night! Had the strangest interaction ever. Thanks Heather! This will be posted outside my door!

Faiqa said...

That was awesome!! "Your personal brand of Jesus." Hahahaha!! Wait, is that sign OK with your HOA Mafia homies? ;)

Tuli said...

I've got two no soliciting signs.

The first, on my front-screen door, says "Absolutely NO soliciting. Political, religious, or other..."

The second, on my front door, says, "Can't you read? NO SOLICITING! Get off my porch!"

It doesn't work for the alternate energy guys, though. They still knock so I let my HUGE dog bark his head off at them. Idiots.

Hilly said...

I love it - you are so freaking awesome! I am tempted to copy it and add, "No, I don't want your band candy or to come look at your open house!".

sybil law said...

Isn't that in violation of some HOA rules?!!!
Either way- I LOVE it!!!!

Tug said...

I have a similar one posted here at work - actually 2 of them. I STILL have people pull up, read the sign, walk in & say "I read your sign, but just wanted to see if you need *insert product they're selling here*"...drives me NUTS.

Sheila (Charm School Reject) said...

I am a total solicitor schmuck. I think I have an invisible sign that says "Talk to me! I'll give you my grocery money just so I don't have to see the look of disappointment on your face!"

Even *I* think the RNC calls too much. Of course, the DNC finally gave up after the last time they called.

Employee No. 3699 said...

Great sign. I think I may just have to copy it.

Jeni said...

I'd love to get rid of the ridiculous calls from "Card Services" that start with the perky voice of "Rachel" telling me there's nothing wrong with my credit account now but if I'd like to learn how to reduce the interest rates I'm being charged to press 9 on the phone now. I have on numerous occasions tried to be nice to these idiots and on probably just as many other occasions, I have been downright obnoxious too. But I have requested repeatedly to have both our numbers here removed from their call list and all to no avail. Any suggestions how to get rid of them? Feel free to share 'em.

Kate said...

I am SO making one of these! Ever since we moved out of an apartment building into a house, the solicitors just keep on coming. And they need to stop.

Molly's Mom said...

That. is. awesome. I *will* be copying that for my own front door! Last year, we ended up getting suckered into ordering a set of books for the kid, and we've been tortured by RainSoft people in the past. Thanks for the idea!

Midlife Mediocrity said...

Been following your blog since I discovered it on our pal FRT's page. Love today's post! Although I have to admit I'm surprised it works. I'm pretty sure most solicitors can't read.

When I see the Jehovah's Witnesses heading up my driveway (about twice a month), I open up my interior front door and let my Great Dane launch himself against the glass door as soon as they step foot on the porch. Works every time.

Don't you love to get comments? Me too - instant gratification!

Nobody™ said...

I answer the door naked when the Jehovah's ring the bell.

Mrs Nobody is such a sucker that she actually bought a Kirby.

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Ohhh you are a chicken!
But clearly this method works.
I, myself, have finally learned to go by the old adage 'No is a complete sentence' I say 'No' and shut the door. Unless it's a cute enthusiastic young do-gooder then I am a sucker... Okay so maybe I've gotten some things I didn't really want. Perhaps I'll go back and look at the sign again not that I'll use it or anything.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - OMG, my mom used to buy Schwann's stuff. And because he knew she was a sucker? That Schwann's guy would pester her to no end and I laughed every she hid when the door bell rang! :)

LeSombre - HA! Lemme guess. Middle finger graphics? Hmmm????

Avitable - Oh, I'm just 30 years away from being the old widow lady down the street who has 90 cats and eats Boy Scouts.

A Free Man - Nice. Talk about killing off a bunch of trees.

Geekgrl64 - Do it!

Faiqa - Oh, it's so OK. No one has said a word about it. They're probably all jealous!

Tuli - Wow. Two signs and they still knock. Brave people.

Hilly - HA! Band candy is bad! Buffy Summers says so!

Sybil Law - Oh, no way. Even if it was a violation? I'd keep it up. :)

Tug - Dude. People just have no scruples. And what I love? Are the businesses who litter our driveways with flyers and when you take it back to them and point out that they dropped those in a no soliciting neighborhood? You notice the "No Soliciting" sign on their window. It's crazy!

Sheila - I am too. I just can't say no, especially when they whine about paying for college. GEEZ!

Employee No. 3699 - You must!

Jeni - You know? I actually hang up on those. I don't ignore the call. I answer and then immediately hang up. And even after registering my phone number with donotcall.gov, they still call. Aggravating.

Kate - They're like the Energizer Bunny. They never, ever stop.

Molly's Mom - Run with it!

Midlife Mediocrity - Oh, that's awesome. Great Danes! The solicitation police!

Nobody - I once knew a guy who would answer naked and chanting the Hare Krishna mantra. Brilliant!

Merrily Down the Stream - I'm so totally a chicken.

Gypsy said...

I want one! I smell an Etsy shop in the works. Sell it!

HEATHER said...

Heather-I wasn't talking about Schawn's, we like them(anyone who delivers ice cream is ok by me), it's these freaks with just a pick-up truck with a chest-style deep freezer in the back of it. They must not have made it to GA yet. Every time one of them comes to the door, he's got a mullet-I kid you not!

Pipper said...

I have something kinda the same outside my door as well. BUT I think I'm gonna have to steal this one because of the "personal brand of Jesus" line. That is classic!!!

Bubblewench said...

I am so stealing this sign. We need it!

SavyArt said...

Oh, I SO need this!!!!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Gypsy - I should totally cross-stitch them and make them all homey and stuff! Oooo, idea!

Other Heather - Duuuuuude. That's just friggin' creepy. Nope. Haven't seen those guys. Yet.

Pipper - Steal away, my darling!

Bubblewench - Take it, girl!

SavyArt - It will come in handy! :)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

How in the world did I miss this at your front door? Is is new since last summer? Or I am just oblivious. Probably the later. As for the cross-stitching, did I ever send you this link? It's right up your alley. Any cross-stitch with the word FUCK or BITCH in it has to be good.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Duh. Here is the link.
http://www.subversivecrossstitch.com/

Patois said...

Can you upload a PDF for all of us? Save me the trouble of retyping?

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

NATUI - I just put the sign up about two months ago. It's a recent addition and hard to miss. And? I've actually done a few things from the Subversive Cross-Stitch site. She's hysterical!

Patois - I should do that. I'll figure out how, or I'll just e-mail everyone who wants one. :)

Lynda said...

I am totally taking this. This is awesome!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Lynda - Take it, woman! Run with it!