13 July 2009

I'm Just, You Know, "Blogging"

That's it. I'm done. Our house is echoing with the sounds of my hacking cough and muttered cussing.

Why muttered cussing, you ask?

I'm cussing because not only am I SICK for the SECOND time this SUMMER, every time I cough I PEE!!!

Yeah, you heard me. My postpartum three kids piece-of-shit Kegel muscle cannot withstand the never-ending coughing this cold has brought on and I can no longer use the excuse of Dang! I forgot to exercise the Kegel today! or Shucks! Didn't remember to squeeze the nethers this morning! I'm finally ready to pay attention to this one particular part of my body that is failing miserably to do its job.

Since I'm tired of wetting my pants every time I cough/laugh/sneeze/watch Patrick Duffy and The Crab discussing threesomes, I'm going to exercise those all-to-critical pelvic muscles every time I read and comment on blogs. Therefore, in the future, when a comment from me pops up on your blog? You'll know that at that same moment, I was squeezing my pelvic muscles to rid myself of my, ahem, urinary incontinence.

You're welcome.

Does anyone have any Depends I can borrow?

15 comments:

HEATHER said...

Have you been to a urologist lately? Maybe they could give you some ditropan or something to help that. Or maybe your GP could give you something for the cough-wouldn't that be something!
Seriously though, since my mom has had her cancer she has had to wear Depends. At this point I can buy them at Kroger and have no shame about it! When I was preggo though I used the Poise pads. Dang thats TMI! Hope you feel better soon-summer is too short to be sick!!!

Karl said...

Perhaps you should avoid Alabama altogether, then. Because we're gonna be laughing it up so much, there'll be a puddle underneath anywhere you are.

Reed said...

ummm...not even sure why I read this....I should have stopped at Kegel.... Yeah, uh, good luck with that one!

Avitable said...

When I see you next, I'll share the super secret kegel exercises I do.

Patois said...

You'll need to post the super secret kegel exercises from Avitable as soon as you get them.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Your new blog handle could be Incontinentia. (f you don't get the reference, email me. :) )

sybil law said...

Sexy!!
:D

Lynda said...

I do Kegel's at stop lights. Just not every stoplight. I mean, I'm waiting anyway!

DutchBitch said...

Oohh I feeel ya Hon!

Employee No. 3699 said...

So, in addition to Diet Pepsi and Malibu rum, I should along some Depends to BlogHer?

Start feeling better soon; and if you're not up to par, I'll just start feeding you copious amounts of alcohol...it's a disinfectant you know.

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Oh Honey - you are preaching to the choir! And may I just say I HATE DOING EFFING KEGEL's! I also pee when I sneeze or laugh or jump or get a big squeeze. Just one more of life's little Fresh Hells...

hello haha narf said...

i don't have any depends, but if i did you couldn't "borrow" them - i would just give them to your piddle pants self.
xoxo

marty said...

I can feel the makings of a new program on the Fox network. Whose Piss Is It Anyway? Each week four comedians compete to see who is the funniest. That fact is discerned, by how much pee is discharged by you during each of their performances.

Gypsy said...

There's apparently a toy to use to help with the kegels. Just FYI.

Krishanna said...

UHmmm.. Poise pads are your friends. =) Seriously though, those Kegel exercises do help. I've been leaky ever since my spinal cord injury and am now an expert on what to use when you spring a leak. ;)