24 August 2009

Open Letter 11

Dear A&E channel,
Really? Obsessed? You had to do that to me. I mean, I realize people with OCD have real problems and said problems completely tear their lives apart. It's horrible. But do you have to televise it? Because I spent four hours on Saturday glued to the TV and I came away from those four hours freaked out about my hands, counting anything and everything, and wondering if I could ever again drive on the freeway. Just stop. Please. Put this show on at 7AM when I'm busy with kids or at 3AM when I'm asleep. And don't publicize the show in Atlanta because I will watch it and then I'll end up being a patient in an episode next season. A patient who counts blog post words and smacks the wall every time a blogger uses WTF? *Smack*

Thanks,
I just counted and this letter has 151 words.


Dear Quentin Tarantino,
Inglorious Basterds.

Dude. I haven't the words.

Wait, maybe I do.

I love you. I loved that film. I loved Brad Pitt's fake Italian accent on top of a fake Southern accent. He was genius. I loved Christoph Waltz and his character and I want him. Everyday. Curled up in my pocket so I can take him out and hug him and cuddle him. He is incredible. I loved the gore. I loved the violence. I loved... everything. I want this movie on DVD yesterday so I can watch it every night before bed. Even my 69-year-old mother was laughing and Woo hoo!-ing it up. Awesome. Abso-frakking-lutely awesome.

You are pure genius and I cannot wait to see what comes out of that magnificent brain of yours for the next movie.

Hugs and smooches,
Ms. Purple


Dear John Edwards,
Speechless. Utterly, completely speechless. I don't know what I'm surprised about more. Am I more surprised over the fact you had an affair, while your wife was dealing with cancer, paid for the other woman with campaign donations, had a baby with her, and that you're going to move her and the baby to a home near you and your cancer-stricken wife and three kids? Or am I more surprised over the fact that you gave me the willies long before any of this was known and that for the first time ever my willies-meter was dead-on right?

Can't decide. But I have decided that you are scum.

Regards,
Gonna have to spit on you. Seriously.

13 comments:

HEATHER said...

Yes, John Edwards is a rat bastard! I would like to kick him in the crotch rather than spit on him. He's just scum!
Glad to hear your thoughts about the Basterds. I have been unsure of seeing it. But I will try to go before it leaves theaters.
So did your group find any paranormal activity the other night? I'm dying to know!

Kay said...

A&E - What's even worse is that A&E allows you to watch most full episodes online. So I lost a huge chunk of time to that Obsessed. And kept questioning every thought in my head for days afterwards. Then I remembered I'm too lazy to be OCD.
Quentin Tarantino - Haven't seen it, but after reading that, I think I might.
John Edwards - has ALWAYS given me the creeps. You know that "can't put my finger on it" feeling that makes you think you'd never want to be alone with him?

Avitable said...

I suspect that John Edwards's hair was controlling him all along.

Molly's Mom said...

A&E may have husband and I obsessed with 'Hoarders'...we were watching an episode yesterday and decided we NEEDED to set the season to tape. As far as Inglourious Basterds, maybe I will go see it now ;)

Hilly said...

Hahaha, you are so funny! I always call myself Mrs. Blonde (because back then, Michal Madsen was sooo freaking hot).

I wouldn't even turn on Obsessed...just the principal alone makes me get all nervous and twitchy! :)

LeSombre said...

What's wrong with counting everything? Do I have OCD? Le Sigh.

Thanks for the IB "review". I can't decide if I want to see District 9 or IB first. I think I'll see both tonight.

sybil law said...

John Edwards is a major POS. His wife is nuts, too. I blame cancer fighting drugs for her nuttiness, but his I blame on his hair.

LceeL said...

I am so glad the John Edwards is such a putz. It sort of takes the focus off of me.

Lynda said...

Why are you freaking out about your hands? I worry I wash my too much. Probably not enough to be a candidate on the show though. :)

I want to see IB, because everyone is raving about it. However, I am the only person in the world who didn't like Pulp Fiction. So, I wonder if I'll be disappointed. At $10 a movie, I don't want to be disappointed.

Why is it when I hear John Edwards name, I always think of that psychic first?

Joe said...

So... you have OCD about watching Obsessed? Dee doo dee doo (The Twilight Zone theme).

I am itching to see Inglourious Basterds. I'm out of town all week (read: No baby to hold me back), so I may end up watching it VERY soon.

John Edwards.... *sigh*

My captcha word to leave a comment is: heavene... just found it interesting and wanted to share.

A Free Man said...

I'm hesitant to go and see the new Tarantino film. I just don't like the ultraviolence that Tarantino is responsible for and don't want to give him any more money. But it does sound good...

Muskrat said...

Agree with Free Man re: the film.

Re: Edwards, He's a great lawyer, though! But still. Wow.

I got nothing re: the TV show.

Patois said...

Great, an accurate willies meter with a guy with a centimeter willy.

(I couldn't help it.)