02 February 2010

Making Valentines 101

Or

How Little, Tiny Bits Of Foam Found Their Way Into Every Corner And Crevice Of My Home. But I'm Not Bitter.

I'm a masochist. I enjoy making things more difficult than they actually should be. It's a sickness. Case in point? The kids' Valentines they will exchange at school. There are 30 students in the Montessori program meaning each child will take 29 Valentines cards with them. Did I select Princess-/Cars-themed cars?

Nay.

I found these at Michael's:


Aren't they precious? Foam cut-outs. That look like doily hearts. With purple string. How creative! And I don't even have to do the cutting. Brilliant! Of course, there's 24 per box, not 29. It's like buying ten hot dogs and eight buns. Grrrr...



And here are the cut-outs in all their glory. This looks pretty easy, right? I only have to do 87... 87? Dang. OK.



Um, yeah. None of the doily-looking thingee hearts have completely empty cutouts. Obviously, the Chinese person who manufactured these hates me. Why? I have no idea. I've never done anything to China or the people who populate said country. Now? They can kiss my ass.



Shoot me. Now.



Done. Only 86 more to go...



Yes, Virginia, there is Advil. It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Advil. It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias.*



Dear God, I'm going to be finding these little foam bits, all over the house, for months. They're as insidious as pine needles. Crickets. Dirty underwear.



And to top it all off, my dear, sweet, over-achieving Miss-Miss decided to immediately write her name on all 29 of her Valentines. At number 24, she did a swan dive off her chair (God-forbid a toddler sit still for five minutes) and landed forehead-first on the hardwood floor. Chaos ensued. Thankfully, the teething duck came to the rescue and instead of a blue-black baseball on the side of her head, we were left with a tiny bump.**



Wake me up when the holiday is over.

* With apologies to Francis Pharcellus Church.

** Photo staged and taken one day after swan dive. Guilt would have ensued had I taken her picture in the midst of tears and pain.

11 comments:

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

HA! You're a better person than I. I would have bought the "Cars" cards and just have been done with it. Luckily, this laziness (??) of mine is precisely why I will not be the one in charge of crafts when Tyler gets older. Muah haha... my plan is coming together nicely.

Avitable said...

I don't think the kids would actually notice if the holes weren't poked out. It would give them fun stuff to do in class!

feefifoto said...

OMG -- it's foam glitter!! Just try really hard not to spill it on the carpet.

HEATHER said...

Oh dear honey, you shouldn't bring this type of thing on yourself! Next year you will know better

sybil law said...

That was me in kindergarten.
Never, ever again.
However, I loved the laugh. So thanks for your pain and suffering!!!
:D

Annie said...

You read my mind! I'm actually considering something similar for my kids - only without the kit, as there is no Michael's anywhere near us. My drug of choice is Aleve, not Advil, so I'll be making stock purchases this week.

Hope you got them finished and lived to tell the story.

PS. My Sophie was at the Urgent Care with various head injuries 6 times in the first 5 months we lived here. Thank God the first doc we saw has a daughter 3 months younger than she, and so all was well and DSS wasn't called.

Not Afraid To Use It said...

I am so getting a pre-printed box for each child.

LAB said...

Not sure if it's any consolation...but those really are cute valentines!

A Free Man said...

Thank Tim Tebow that we don't have to do that holiday down here. I've never - not once - enjoyed it.

Shelli said...

You crack me up!

Patois said...

Love that you had her re-enact the swan dive aftermath. Love even more that you had to mention it was a re-enactment.