31 January 2011

Singularity

singularity (sɪŋɡjʊˈlærɪtɪ)
— n , pl -ties

1. the state, fact, or quality of being singular

2. in astronomy, a hypothetical point in space-time at which matter is infinitely compressed to infinitesimal volume. See also: black hole


Yeah, it's been almost two months since I've been here. My excuse? Well, I'd like to tell you that I've been held hostage by a bunch of Caribbean Reef Squid in Bonaire who are refusing my release until calamari is outlawed, worldwide, by the U.N., but alas that's not the real reason why my online presence has been dim as of late.

Since our two-week internet connection outage in early December, I lost the urge to post or write. Since Christmas, my motivation to do anything has plummeted. Do I want to vacuum/put away toys/make beds/fold laundry/wash dishes? No, but that's expected. That's the stuff nobody wants to do. But do I want to cross-stitch/stitch blackwork/scrapbook/blog/practice my dulcimer? Nope. Don't want to do any of it. I have been working out. That, at least, is something I've managed to do. But then 3PM comes along and I'm dragging, quite literally, through the afternoon and evening. Once the kids are put to bed, my energy level is nil and I find myself more interested in the T.J. Hooker (FREEZE, PUNK!) marathon on the Universal HD channel than in anything else I normally enjoy doing.

Email? Nada. Calling people? Nope. It hurts to have a family member accuse me of cutting them out of my life when I'm not doing that at all. Hell, I can't even remember to tell Ty-man about the funny thing J-man said two days ago much less update any one else on the mundanity of my daily life. Couple that with the fact that I feel like I yell more at my kids than just talking to them, and I wake up attempting to change that particular attitude instead ending the day with me fussing over toys strewn across the family room floor. Ugh. It's the never-ending battle of parent versus kid and I'm honestly ready to throw up my hands in complete and utter defeat. You'll all find my body buried at the bottom of a pile of Legos.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I see so many changes happening, among my favorite bloggers and a few of my friends, and I feel so stagnant. Couple that with a two-week Christmas school vacation and the kids home for five more days on top of that thanks to Snowpocalypse 2011 and I think I'm staring down the barrel of a wicked case of cul-de-sac fever. I think I'm just feeling quite overwhelmed with nowhere to shove some of the extra whelm. Plus? Yesterday was the 13th anniversary of my father's death. The pain of his passing will never leave me I miss him oh, so terribly.

What has happened is that I've turned into the singularity as defined above. I've become quite focused in on myself. Bless Adam for emailing/texting/calling to make sure I'm still alive, Grant for his rip-snorting funny ecards, Linda for knocking on my Gmail door while all the way in India, and Toni and John and Ian (stationed over in Qatar) and Vonda (home alone with kids) for their numerous phone calls and texts. You guys are slowly, but surely, waking me up.

I hope to post more. Once or twice a week at first, more as I get back into the groove. Thanks for waiting patiently, guys, and reminding me you're all here. It has helped more than you'll ever know.

16 comments:

HEATHER said...

Well, I've been checking every day to see if you had posted anything. But I do know the malaise that you are feeling. Hang in there!

Employee No. 3699 said...

Yeah, you’re back…and with your wonderful sense of humor still intact!

Avitable said...

I'm sorry that you've been feeling this way and I'm going to make sure you get to relax and have fun when I see you in a few weeks!

Kim - Mommycosm said...

I was just thinking of you while at Blissdom this week. I knew it had been a while...but 2 months?

Glad to see you are back. I wish you were in Bonaire the whole time, too. Much more fun than just feeling blech.

LceeL said...

I've been thinking about you lately (don't worry - not like THAT). I resisted the impulse to email you and ask if you're okay, mainly out of a sincere desire not to be a pain in the ass. But I'm glad you're finding your way back here. I have missed you.

Muskrat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Muskrat said...

Hope to see you later in February!

I'm so glad I happened to go out of town during the snow/ice debacle in Atlanta. From talking to neighbors and colleagues, it was pretty much a week of trapped misery.

Feel well soon! At least we had a nice weekend weather-wise, right?

Grant said...

Darn - I actually had Caribbean Reef Squid in the pool. So close.

Teri said...

Now I know why our game of phone tag ended so abruptly. :-( I was starting to worry that you didn’t get my last message and thought I was an a$$ for not calling back. Although I think I prefer that over my dear friend having a big case of blahs. You’re definitely not alone, and there is nothing wrong with focusing on yourself. If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

Megan said...

You sound depressed to me. I know this because I've been there. Don't know if you're a fellow sufferer, but if you don't start to come out of it soon it may be something to consider. /lecture

If you need a ear, I'm always around. :)

sybil law said...

This time of year can be such a drag - I hear ya.
Hopefully I'll see you soon, though - and give you a big ol' hug!
xo

Patois said...

Like Grant, I just figured -- hoped -- you were diving, diving, diving.

So sorry it's been what it's been.

Annie said...

Sorry that things are this way. I'm right there with youthese days. Hopefully, this is the upswing. I'll be in touch.

hello haha narf said...

put on your trooper costume and knock on the door of the house down the street. when they answer, ask to borrow a cup of sugar.

that might not make you feel better, but then again, it just might!

love to you, pretty lady.

Molly's Mom said...

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling this way...but I can definitely empathize :(

For what it's worth, you can FB or contact me anytime - I'd be happy to lend an ear!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - Thanks, hon!

Employee No. 3699 - Thankfully!

Avitable - Can't wait! It's going to be awesome!

MommyCosm - Yeah, I know. It's been a while. You going to Aruba any time soon?

LceeL - I've missed you, too.

Muskrat - It WAS awful. After having that two-weeks at Christmas and then another weekend+5 days+weekend+MLK day... well, let's just say I was ready for a padded room.

Grant - Sorry. Would have been a nice payout.

Teri - HOLY SHIT! We had a game of phone tag going on? I don't even remember. Dang. I'll call you.

Megan - I suffered from depression after Dad's death, but haven't returned since my counselor said I was good to go. I don't know, there are days I think I am, then days that I'm fine.

Sybil Law - Hopefully!

Patois - Oh, if only I had been diving. :)

Annie - Thanks, hon!

Hello Haha Narf - I keep telling myself "April. In April, Becky will be here. April. Just make it until April." :) Love you, too.

Molly's Mom - Thanks, hon!