Singularity

singularity (sɪŋɡjʊˈlærɪtɪ)
— n , pl -ties
1. the state, fact, or quality of being singular
2. in astronomy, a hypothetical point in space-time at which matter is infinitely compressed to infinitesimal volume. See also: black hole

Yeah, it's been almost two months since I've been here. My excuse? Well, I'd like to tell you that I've been held hostage by a bunch of Caribbean Reef Squid in Bonaire who are refusing my release until calamari is outlawed, worldwide, by the U.N., but alas that's not the real reason why my online presence has been dim as of late.

Since our two-week internet connection outage in early December, I lost the urge to post or write. Since Christmas, my motivation to do anything has plummeted. Do I want to vacuum/put away toys/make beds/fold laundry/wash dishes? No, but that's expected. That's the stuff nobody wants to do. But do I want to cross-stitch/stitch blackwork/scrapbook/blog/practice my dulcimer? Nope. Don't want to do any of it. I have been working out. That, at least, is something I've managed to do. But then 3PM comes along and I'm dragging, quite literally, through the afternoon and evening. Once the kids are put to bed, my energy level is nil and I find myself more interested in the T.J. Hooker (FREEZE, PUNK!) marathon on the Universal HD channel than in anything else I normally enjoy doing.

Email? Nada. Calling people? Nope. It hurts to have a family member accuse me of cutting them out of my life when I'm not doing that at all. Hell, I can't even remember to tell Ty-man about the funny thing J-man said two days ago much less update any one else on the mundanity of my daily life. Couple that with the fact that I feel like I yell more at my kids than just talking to them, and I wake up attempting to change that particular attitude instead ending the day with me fussing over toys strewn across the family room floor. Ugh. It's the never-ending battle of parent versus kid and I'm honestly ready to throw up my hands in complete and utter defeat. You'll all find my body buried at the bottom of a pile of Legos.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I see so many changes happening, among my favorite bloggers and a few of my friends, and I feel so stagnant. Couple that with a two-week Christmas school vacation and the kids home for five more days on top of that thanks to Snowpocalypse 2011 and I think I'm staring down the barrel of a wicked case of cul-de-sac fever. I think I'm just feeling quite overwhelmed with nowhere to shove some of the extra whelm. Plus? Yesterday was the 13th anniversary of my father's death. The pain of his passing will never leave me I miss him oh, so terribly.

What has happened is that I've turned into the singularity as defined above. I've become quite focused in on myself. Bless Adam for emailing/texting/calling to make sure I'm still alive, Grant for his rip-snorting funny ecards, Linda for knocking on my Gmail door while all the way in India, and Toni and John and Ian (stationed over in Qatar) and Vonda (home alone with kids) for their numerous phone calls and texts. You guys are slowly, but surely, waking me up.

I hope to post more. Once or twice a week at first, more as I get back into the groove. Thanks for waiting patiently, guys, and reminding me you're all here. It has helped more than you'll ever know.