20 April 2011

And Then, I Farted.

Twice a week, I become this insane, possessed person. I throw on my gym clothes, fill up my water bottle, and snarl at anyone who gets in my way.

I'm going to Zumba, dammit.

I LOVE Zumba. For me, it's not just about the sweat or the exercise, it's mainly about the music and the dance.

Ah, the dance.

I love to dance. I danced in my bedroom as a kid, radio turned up as loud as it would go, my father banging on the door and yelling Turn that jungle music down! I danced in my dorm room all through college. I danced at sorority and frat parties. I danced like a maniac at Bell Bottoms, a popular Atlanta nightclub from the 1990s. I still dance in my kitchen. Zumba gives me the opportunity to release my inner ballet/hip hop/belly dancer.

Until this morning, Zumba has been free and awesome. I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks I look like. I shake my shimmy, have a great time, and let it all hang loose.

And then, I farted.

It happened in the middle of the class, at the height of our aerobic activity. My hips were hopping, belly was dancing, and my butt cheeks were squeezed tighter than the gates of Ft. Knox.

One of the more unpleasant side-effects of metformin (an insulin-controlling drug) is gas. Lots and lots of gas. Like, I sometimes feel that in a past life I was a hot air balloon. Normally, I try to hold it until I can walk away and cut loose in another part of the house/restaurant/grocery store/wherever where there is no one around. Not today. Oh, no. My gas was out of control

I cut loose right at the end of a song. And I'm pretty sure that the lady behind me crossed herself.

And Zumba in Woodstock will never again be the same.

14 comments:

HEATHER said...

Wait, my mother and husband have both taken Metformin at one time and they sure didn't have gas. Instead they had nearly uncontrollable diarrhea and they had to carry Immodium AD with them at all times. I guess the gas is better, but not much!

Kim Mommycosm said...

Bwahahahah!
Been there. You class. Downward dog. Scarred for life.

Kim Mommycosm said...

Bwahahahah!
Been there. Yoga class. Downward dog. Scarred for life.

LceeL said...

All I can say is - I hear you. I can remember a fart in a Karate class that was, unfortunately, unfortunately loud.

That poor little girl who was standing behind me ....

Muskrat said...

Note to self: NEVER take a zumba class in Woodstock.

Grant said...

I get the bad gas wen I'm lucky. When I'm unlucky or eat the wrong foods or exert myself, it upshifts into flaming sharts. Behold your future.

Andy my word verification was hatickle.

hello haha narf said...

this made me laugh so hard.
BUT.
but who really cares if you farted in class? we all fart. most of us, if not all of us, have ripped one some place that we would have preferred not to. hope you don't let this event prevent you from going back and shaking it again. because i love knowing you are happy and dancing makes you happy.

Employee No. 3699 said...

My follow up to a loud fart is, "Damn ducks!"

Megan said...

Just stay away from the lady who was crossing herself - I find that funnier than you farting. :D

Little Mrs. Jonesss said...

Oh dear! And you thought your life was boring these days! :) Don't worry I won't make fun of you. HOWEVER, if you do don those uber expensive Zumba brand workout clothes...well I just may laugh a little.

.:| Melissa |:. said...

Oh my, Heather!! I would have shriveled up and died right there of embarrassment! But, the way you tell a story always has me ROFLMAO!!!

Thankfully, Metformin has never given me that problem! Just the occasional Tijuana trots. Very occasional! I've been taking the stuff for going on 6 years now.

sybil law said...

Hahahahahahaha
Hahahahahaha
That's awesome!
Now you HAVE to go back! Just to see who tries to NOT be behind you!

Irrational Dad said...

Awesome! You gotta learn to time that stuff. Never at the end of a song, and never when you're bent over. Apparently the lady behind you never farts.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - Oh, I get that, too, whenever I'm a bad little borderline diabetic and decide to have four dark chocolate pieces rather than just two. BLECH!

MommyCosm - ZOMG!!!! That? Would be an awesome moment for farting!

LceeL - I'm so glad it's not just me.

Muskrat - Wuss.

Grant - We soooo need to make reservations at the classiest restaurant in Atlanta, down about 1,500 mg, order chocolate cake, and invite Muskrat. PARTY!

Hello Haha Narf - Oh, hell no. Going back tomorrow night! It's going to be AWESOME!

Employee No. 3699 - I prefer, "Where is that elephant?" myself.

Megan - My thoughts exactly!

Little Mrs. Jonesss - Oh, honey. I stick to my running shorts. :) But Brett should come to class with me and I can blame the farts on him!

Melissa - Oh, honey. I've farted in public SO MUCH since taking this medication, I just pass it and move on. But the Tijuana Trots? Oh, I HATE those. BLECH!

Sybil Law - Oh, I'll be back tomorrow night!

Irrational Dad - I thought you were supposed to time it during a quiet moment? That's what guys do, right? ;)