21 April 2011

Coal Miner's Granddaughter, Copyright

Dear Kate Middleton,

Quit hornin' in on my action!

Have I knocked on your door, demanding wear-time on that sapphire ring? NO!

Have I asked to kissy-face with your Prince? NO!

Then quit thinking you can be a Coal Miner's Granddaughter. You're actually a coal miner's great-granddaughter. How do I know this? Because I'm a nosy little shit and I like to know when people are Googling my boring-ass life. And lately? When people Google "Coal Miner's Granddaughter"? They come up with newspaper articles about you and your grandma. Your grandma who was a coal miner's daughter.

I mean, HELLO?, I'm not trying to bust in on your princess-to-be-someday-queen action. You don't see me walking around, posing with guys named William Wales, changing my name to Kate, professing a love of big blue rings and afternoon tea, so don't even go there. Do you think you can handle the awesomeness of being me? No, you can't. Case in point:


(Yes, Exposay.com, this is a photo of yours, pasted onto mine. Apologies.)

I am Coal Miner's Granddaughter. Not you. Got it?

Besides. You know if William even gets glimpse of this, he'll be all "Kate, who?":


(Sorry, Alastair Grant - WPA Pool/Getty, for making your awesome picture a nightmare.)

Now that we've got that cleared up... where's my damned invite?!?

Tell Harry to give me a call, 'kay?

Toodles!
Heather

11 comments:

Dave2 said...

I totally read this entry in a British accent.

Janelle said...

The picture is awesome!!! I just had to comment to say that I loved it (and I'm not at all thinking of stealing the idea for myself and framing said picture to be placed on my bedside table)

And I had no idea that Kate was trying to steal your identity! That little... Well, I will NEVER look at her the same again, LOL

Employee No. 3699 said...

Loretta is a coal miner's daughter and Kate is a coal miner's great granddaughter....but you?

'THE' Coal Miner's Granddaughter.

hello haha narf said...

oh my dog, that photo of you and wills MADE MY DAY. pure awesome.

Grant said...

Coal miner is such an early 80's profession. You should tell your grandfather to get a hipper job. I recommend diamond smuggler or trampoline master (he can borrow my alter-ego pseudonym, Captain Boingy) or ninja. Then think of the cool new url - "captainboingythediamondninjasgd.com". Oh, wait - it's taken. Never mind. He can keep his regular job.

sybil law said...

Hahahaha
You are definitely royalty, though!

Irrational Dad said...

I didn't even know who Kate Middleton was until about 3 minutes ago... you'll always be the CMGD in my book.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Dave2 - As well you should.

Janelle - Oh, you should totally do it! I'll probably make another one after they get married.

Employee No. 3699 - Aw, thanks hon! :)

Hello Haha Narf - :D

Grant - Well, his regular job is actually being dead. So, win? :P

Sybil Law - Royal pain in the ass is what I am! LOL!

Irrational Dad - THE HORROR! Someone not knowing who Kate Middleton is?!?!?! *Pant, pant* Where's the paper bag?!?

Avitable said...

I love your Photoshop skillz!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Avitable - They'z mad skillz!

Sharyn said...

Of all the nerve! What a presumptuous twit she is. Shame on Kate.