02 October 2007

It's Official... I'm a Wife and Mother

Yes, you've read the title right. Exchanging vows with Ty-man 12 1/2 years ago did not officially make me a wife. Giving birth to Bubba and Miss-Miss two years ago and J-man 4 1/2 months ago did not officially make me a mother. What clinched the deal was me, looking at Ty-man, and saying, "I want a new washer and dryer for Christmas." Dear. God. Save. Me.

Allow me to preface this. When Ty-man and I first started dating and were later engaged, I set down some ground rules.

1. No living in Ohio. Don't know why, but I just dislike Ohio and told the Ty-man that if we ever had to move there, he could write to me in Hawai'i.

2. No red and black lingerie. Black is OK, red is OK, red and black together, not OK. Yes, this is a quirk of mine along with all the other weird quirks that make up the wonderful me.

3. When a woman gives birth, the man gives her jewelry. That's the rule. Right up there with the 10 commandments and Newton's laws. I carry the baby(ies) for 9 months, push baby(ies) out of small birth canal, I receive a rock in some color and cut set in either gold or platinum.

4. Never, never, never, never, never..... ever, never, never give a woman an appliance for her birthday/anniversary/Valentine's/Christmas/Arbor Day. It's a no-no. If you absolutely must give her an appliance, supplement said appliance gift with rocks (see above), flowers, and/or chocolates. Appliances include but are not limited to: washer, dryer, fridge, oven, stove, dishwasher, small kitchen/laundry appliances. This list also includes landscaping, hot water heater, outdoor and indoor home repair or improvements.

Well, I never thought I would see the day that I would willingly ask for an appliance as a gift. I fought against it for months now, but my POS Maytag washer gets off balance if you even look at it wrong. I'm exhausted spending each and every day slinging wet laundry out of the washer, wasting ten minutes trying to re-load soaking wet laundry, finding the perfect balance of clothes, sheets, and washcloths, all the while muttering curse words under my breath. I've been eying the LG 4.0 cubic foot capacity front load washer with steam wash (wild cherry red) with matching dryer, with both appliances receiving high customer ratings at Lowes, Home Depot, and Sears. I figured it was time to suck it up, be an adult, and ask for major appliances for the upcoming holiday.

Somebody shoot me.


Not Afraid to Use It said...

Love this post! LOL Though my advice would be that because the appliances are for the benefit of everyone that it be just a household purchase. That way, your laundry gets done now, and you do not have to revamp your rules.

Unknown said...

Not to worry. I'm sure Ty-man won't forget the supplement part of the rule. :-)

Vonda said...

Heather, you are such a hoot! You really should write a book! It was great seeing y'all! We miss you already! Love ya -V

Anonymous said...

I'm with you sister. I want a new icemaker. Someone needs to email Robert about the jewelry factor though...he clearly doesn't know about that! The Aud