Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

13 December 2011

Christmas Ornaments, Part 2

My great-aunt Courtney Berkley Wheeler lived to the ripe old age of 102. She passed away in 1999 after outliving her husband, all eight of her siblings, three of her six children, and numerous other close and distant relatives. She was my favorite Berkley relative and to say she was a pistol was an understatement.

One Christmas in the early 1980s, I received this Christmas ornament in the mail:


It was, and still is, the most obnoxious, old-school satin Christmas ball. And it's pink. Pepto pink. And it was made by my great-aunt Courtney. She made all of these for her great-nieces (pink) and great-nephews (blue). Did I mention there were 67 of us greats? And she made these when she was in her 80s?

Did I mention she also raised not only six children, but also raised her grandchildren of the three children who died young due to polycystic kidney disease? The same disease that claimed her husband? Did I mention that around the time she made these 60-odd Christmas ball ornaments that she burned herself while trying to light her wood stove with gasoline? And that the only reason she passed away was she lost her sight, then her hearing, and just didn't want to exist in a world with nothing to see or hear?

Chuck Norris couldn't touch this woman.

My great-uncle Earl, Courtney's younger brother, described her in the following way in his book The Tenacious Berkeley, Berkleys:

Courtney, the beauty of the Berkley mountain, had more young men vying for her attention than birds in a cherry tree. The timber business, when the virgin timber was cut from the Berkley place, brought young men from far and near; and they all met at the Berkley place on the least provocation. One banjo player, Roy Wheeler, was handsome and determined. He and T.J. (Courtney's father) did not see eye to eye but that did not deter him. Finally, he talked Courtney into eloping. It was a rainy night and he had two horses tethered in a thicket near the house, and he waited at a designated spot until Courtney got a break and could leave the house. They rode to the railroad station in the rain and traveled to Catlettsburg, Kentucky, where they were married on September 17, 1912. It was fortunate indeed that T.J. did not apprehend them before they got away. He was lower than a snake's belly in a swamp for some time, but as usual, he accepted it and made the best of his fury without permanent damage.

When she celebrated her 100th birthday, it was a whirlwind day and I was lucky to get a quick picture with her.



The next year, on her 101st birthday, I was actually able to sit down and talk to her. It had been years since we had seen one another* and, at this point, she was blind. I asked her Aunt Courtney, do you know who I am? and she immediately responded, eyes bright, Oh my! You're Heather! Simeon's granddaughter! We spoke at length and caught up on family gossip and our lives. I think she may have even flirted with the Ty-man.

I absolutely loved her and I love my Pepto Pink Aunt Courtney Christmas ball. It hangs on the Christmas tree in a place of honor, near the top, each and every year.

*The year before, when our picture was taken, was such a crazy, busy day that I don't think she knew whether to wind her butt or scratch her watch. She spent most of the day bewildered at the crowds. I was bewildered, too, and I was only 25.

12 December 2011

Christmas Ornaments, Part 1

In order to make it through the holidays without expending too much brain energy coming up with original blog posts, I thought it might be a good idea to document some of the cooler ornaments on our Christmas tree before the dog eats them all.

Our Christmas tree is like a book and the ornaments tell a story. They describe the funkiness of the 1970s with trippy little felt elves, my fetish with everything Opus, and the presence of our children with cute school-made ornaments they'll be embarrassed over in years to come. I don't have what I call a "Macy's Tree." My tree would never make it into an issue of Architectural Digest but it makes our family smile. One of my favorite things to do is to sit in my living room, (lights out, Christmas lights on) and look at all of the ornaments, remembering how I happened upon each and every one.

This ornament is one of my favorites:


My brother and his wife were stationed in Germany for three years and Vonda would always hit up the local Christkindlmarkt for gifts. Their last year in Germany, Vonda sent me my Jack-o-lantern scarecrow Christmas ornament. I have to admit that I'm a lover of all things Halloween. It's my favorite holiday and when I saw this ornament, I squeee'd because now, I can have a little bit of Halloween mixed in with my Christmas every year.

I'll be bringing more CMG ornaments in the days to come. Hope you enjoy them as much as we do!

30 November 2011

Never Hang a Dead Body on Your Christmas Tree

OR

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS


You guys know about our new dog, right?

Did you know that dogs eat anything? And when I say anything I mean anything/everything/ZOMG they'll eat that?!?

I did not know this, but I do now.

Picture it. I was in my kitchen, loading up the advent calendar with treats for the kids. The house was quiet, kids were at school... and I heard a noise. It sounded sort of wet and crunchy and it was coming from behind me. I looked but there was nothing behind me that could make that noise. Huh.

So I kept working. And I kept hearing it. The sound of something being eaten. After five minutes (Nope. I'm not really bright before noon.) of looking for the source of the crunching I found Macy in the kids' playroom. At first, I thought she had discovered a powdered doughnut one of the kids may have dropped. And then I realized what was going on.

She had eaten almost all of a starfish Christmas ornament that had hung on the kids' Christmas tree. It was an actual dried starfish I purchased in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and said starfish was painted with a snowy-white paint that had a faint glitter finish. Girlfriend had feasted on this dead animal with a FULL BOWL of food just a few feet away.

First I was all O_o. And then I was all GUH! MAAAA-AAACEEEEEE!!!!! And then I was all Where's that frakking vet's phone number?!?

Actual conversation:

Vet: Animal Hospital of Boondocks Atlanta! How may we help you?
Me: MY. DOG. JUST. ATE. A. STAAAARRRRFISH!
Vet: Um.
Me: Yeah. I know! It was an ornament on my kids' tree! AND SHE ATE IT!
Vet: A real starfish?
Me: Damn skippy.
Vet: Hold on... OK. The doctor wants to know where you got the starfish from.
Me: South Carolina.
Vet: But, is the starfish from South Carolina or was it marked "Made in China"?
Me: Nope. Nothing. Why?
Vet: Starfish from Asia can contain a toxin that can cause paralysis.
Me: No shit! Even when it's dried and several years old?
Vet: Yep.
Me: Fucking China.
Vet: You need to bring her in for an X-ray to make sure she chewed up the starfish. If there are big, sharp chunks, we'll need to operate to get those out.
Me: Uh.... What if I don't.
Vet: Just watch her for vomiting and diarrhea and then bring her in.
Me: Yeah. We'll be there in five.

The X-ray revealed that the starfish had been well-chewed and our dog had to devour four cans of sticky, wet, smelly high-fiber canned food to coat the starfish and force her to poop. A bunch.

I'm still waiting for this monster poop. You may see headlines about "Suburban Atlanta Dog and Owner Buried In Mound Of Crap."

What went through Macy's mind yesterday?

Ooooo! Yummeh star-thingy!
I LIKE this yummeh star-thingy!

Why is the tall lady yelling my name?!?

Hide under the big bed!

OH! We're going for a ride! GOODY!

Looky! I get yummeh stinky food!
LOTS of yummeh stinky food!
That was fun! I need to eat more yummeh star-thingys!
I get to ride in the car and eat stinky food! I LOVE MY NEW LIFE!

What have I learned? Don't hang dead bodies on the Christmas tree.

What did Macy learn? Not a damned thing.

26 December 2008

Merry Christmas Meme!

Yeah, since it's Christmas and I'm outta commission in the North Georgia mountains, and probably none of you are reading this anyway (Wait, you're reading this? Get outta here! Go back to the 'nog! You've got some gifts to tear open! GO!), so here's a Christmas meme that's been floating around for the past month. Enjoy!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Both

2. Real tree or Artificial? Both. We typically have a real tree with the usual suspects of ornaments and an artificial tree with nothing but sci-fi ornaments from Hallmark. GEEKS!

3. When do you put up the tree? Usually within one week after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? Anytime between New Year’s Day and January 6th, which is Epiphany.

5. Do you like eggnog? That depends. If it’s really, really strong with lots of alcohol, then no. Otherwise, I’m OK with it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Wow. I can’t really remember. I liked all my gifts as a kid. I was easy to please.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Ty-man and the FIL, Chuck.

8. Easiest person to buy for? The kids.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I snail-mail those suckers.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? This God-awful purple sweatshirt with purple fabric lilacs glued to the front and trimmed with silver glitter. My aunt sucked at picking out decent gifts for me. And her handmade gifts? Even worse.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? White Christmas

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? December 26th. No lie. I shop all year long.

14 . Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Chocolate-covered cherries

16. Lights on the tree? White, non-blinking.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Mele Kalikimaka

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Sort of home. We're still in Georgia at the in-laws house.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen. Then there’s Rudolph and Olive. ☺

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Morning. One gift can be opened on Christmas Eve and that’s it.

21. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? People are just too fracking rude.

22. Favorite ornament theme or color? Red.

23. What do you want for Christmas this year? For people to quit over-analyzing “Do we give gifts or not? Do we just donate to charities in each other’s names? Christmas Eve or Christmas morning gift-exchanges?” What the frack ever. Just do what feels right and leave me out of it!

25 December 2008

Merry Christmas!


We hope that no matter who you are, or what your beliefs, that you have a day filled with peace, joy, love, and family.

Or, at the very least, a quiet day off from work!

As Miss-Miss likes to say, "Happy, Merry Christmas!" From me, Ty-man, Miss-Miss, Bubba, and J-man.

16 December 2008

Crazy

Dear Loyal and Lovely Readers o' Mine,

Christmas is fast approaching.

Life is whizzing by.

Time is fleeting.

Chores are piling.

Gifts aren't wrapping themselves.

Bummer.

I will be back ASAFP. Promise.

Now where's the fracking tape?

Love, Heather

06 January 2008

My Mind is the Sahara

So, I still got nothin'. The creative juices have been rather dry here at CofaCMG. Sleep has been elusive as of late and when I'm not sleeping I'm typically thinking of, well, sleep.

What's been going on over the weekend?

  • Lunch with friends. Four adults, six kids. You do the math.
  • Dinner and coffee with Super-Mom Kristi (faster than a speeding toddler, able to leap tall stacks of toys in a single bound, and still look as trim and fit as she did before birthing three kids, she's Super-Mom!).
  • A trip to urgent care with Bubba for an ear infection. Two trips to urgent care, due to holidays and weekends, in five days. I think I'm going to get a job there.
  • Lunch with Ty-man's brother and family. Quiet, soothing, filet mignon, gift exchange, all good.
  • The taking down of Christmas decorations. Yes, it's January 6th and the decor is just now being removed. It's Epiphany. Not sure what I'm talking about? Look here.
  • An attempt at a video log for CofaCMG - the video is cute (me and Ty-man debating Star Wars) but getting it here is difficult because Leopard fried iMovie. Le sigh.
  • Watching The Nanny Diaries and realizing, yet again, another of my favorite books has been ruined by the Hollyweird machine.
Wow, I've turned into quite the Debbie Downer.

OK, here are two uppers for you (and me). Since today is Epiphany, I leave you with these two adorable Christmas photos of Bubba, Miss-Miss, and J-man. I hope to be back on my game tomorrow!

25 December 2007

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, fellow inhabitants of the blogosphere! I haven't been here in a few days, but I gotta tell ya, it's not because I don't love you, it's because of family. Blood is thicker than a DSL connection and I needed to spend uninterrupted time with the 'rents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and sech. So, I'm taking a quick break from all the hubbub (you know, bleaching the upper lip, brushing the hair, putting on clothes so that dear Uncle Bruce doesn't think I'm a total freak of nature for being in scary Christmas PJs at 11AM) and posting to you, my loyal peeps.

For you, Not Afraid to Use It, you are AWESOME! With a capital HELL YEAH! Merry Christmas, hon! I hope you're having a wonderful morning with Little Bird and Little Man and that the MIL-from-hell is behaving herself.

Mom to the Fey, I was so busy that I didn't wish you a proper Happy Yule! I hope Tree Fairie had a most excellent holiday and that your family and friends celebrated merrily!

Military Mom, you kick ass! I love my award (to be covered in our next posting) and hope you haven't turned to icicles up there in the extreme north US of A. Merry Christmas, hon!

MommyCosm, I'm not at all jealous that you're in fabulous Aruba for Christmas (bitch!) and that you'll return home with a tan (ho!) and well-rested (ass!). Nope, not jealous at all.... Kidding! I hope you're soaking up some rays for me and having a WONDERFUL time!

Mr. Fabulous, you wild man, you crazy man, you originator of all things sculpey and profane, I hope you and Mrs. Fabulous have a wonderful Christmas. Wish you were here to scare the family! Love ya!

Avitable, I hope your bubonic plague has run it's course, that the ninjas have left your lungs, and that all is well in Altamonte Springs. Have a great one, sweetie!

Miss Britt, I know you're on the fast-track to feeling better and I know that this Christmas will be one to remember. Don't use the stapler on the hubby today (maybe tomorrow) and enjoy those beautiful kids of yours!

If there's anyone I've forgotten, let me know! I apologize! Merry Christmas you guys and everyone out there and I hope you're having a great day with family and/or friends!

Love, Heather

18 December 2007

Holy Crap!

Gah!

Family coming.... five days!

House.... friggin' trashed!

Kids... sniffly and fevery!

Christmas tree.... undecorated, yet lit!

Presents.... in a pile in my office, unwrapped!

Baking.... nada!

Laundry.... piling up!

Jebus help! It's your birthday, man, but could I have a slight bit of assistance? I'll make you a cake if you'll get down here and decorate the flappin' tree!

GAH!

Pant, pant, pant. OK. I feel slightly better. I'll be going now....

02 October 2007

It's Official... I'm a Wife and Mother

Yes, you've read the title right. Exchanging vows with Ty-man 12 1/2 years ago did not officially make me a wife. Giving birth to Bubba and Miss-Miss two years ago and J-man 4 1/2 months ago did not officially make me a mother. What clinched the deal was me, looking at Ty-man, and saying, "I want a new washer and dryer for Christmas." Dear. God. Save. Me.

Allow me to preface this. When Ty-man and I first started dating and were later engaged, I set down some ground rules.

1. No living in Ohio. Don't know why, but I just dislike Ohio and told the Ty-man that if we ever had to move there, he could write to me in Hawai'i.

2. No red and black lingerie. Black is OK, red is OK, red and black together, not OK. Yes, this is a quirk of mine along with all the other weird quirks that make up the wonderful me.

3. When a woman gives birth, the man gives her jewelry. That's the rule. Right up there with the 10 commandments and Newton's laws. I carry the baby(ies) for 9 months, push baby(ies) out of small birth canal, I receive a rock in some color and cut set in either gold or platinum.

4. Never, never, never, never, never..... ever, never, never give a woman an appliance for her birthday/anniversary/Valentine's/Christmas/Arbor Day. It's a no-no. If you absolutely must give her an appliance, supplement said appliance gift with rocks (see above), flowers, and/or chocolates. Appliances include but are not limited to: washer, dryer, fridge, oven, stove, dishwasher, small kitchen/laundry appliances. This list also includes landscaping, hot water heater, outdoor and indoor home repair or improvements.

Well, I never thought I would see the day that I would willingly ask for an appliance as a gift. I fought against it for months now, but my POS Maytag washer gets off balance if you even look at it wrong. I'm exhausted spending each and every day slinging wet laundry out of the washer, wasting ten minutes trying to re-load soaking wet laundry, finding the perfect balance of clothes, sheets, and washcloths, all the while muttering curse words under my breath. I've been eying the LG 4.0 cubic foot capacity front load washer with steam wash (wild cherry red) with matching dryer, with both appliances receiving high customer ratings at Lowes, Home Depot, and Sears. I figured it was time to suck it up, be an adult, and ask for major appliances for the upcoming holiday.

Somebody shoot me.