03 March 2009

10 Reasons Why North & South Cheers Me Up


Why I'm Glad I Didn't Live in 19th-Century America*

1. David Carradine is much cooler as Bill than as an abusive slave-owner. No contest. The samurai sword wins every time.

2. Four words: Cheesy. Major. Network. Mini-series.

3. The lack of satellite TV in 1860 would be heartbreaking. I wouldn't know of satellite TV's future existence, but still. I'm pretty sure I'd be bored out of my gourd.

4. In the 19th century, I wouldn't be known as a Blogger but rather That loony woman up the road who never leaves her house and writes crazy pamphlets. Oh, and? She smells.

5. Hot Patrick Swayze/Lesley-Anne Down sex. Yummy.

6. I could watch Gone With The Wind, but damn it, Vivien Leigh's attempt at a Southern accent gives me the willies.

7. A young Jonathan Frakes? Without a beard? Playing a wuss? Kinda funny.

8. DAMN! This Thin Mint is orgasmi... wait. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. No Girl Scout cookies in 19th century America. Mphffff. Crunch. Snort! I'm pretty sure of that.

9. Lewis Smith! LEWIS FRAKKING SMITH, people! Also known as Perfect Tommy in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension? Look at what you've made me do. Now I'm going to have to watch that movie. And listen to Ty-man roll his eyes. Because, believe me, he rolls his eyes so hard during this movie that I can hear them two seats over. But I don't care. Because it's Peter Weller! Looking sexy! And the Hong Kong Cavaliers! With aliens who speak Rastafarian and are named John Smallberries and John Bigboote! And... wait. What the fuck were we just talking about?

10. It was rough living as a woman in the 1800s. Honestly. No indoor plumbing. No jeans. And no TAMPONS! Fer cryin' out loud, it was barbaric.

* Yeah. It's a mixed-bag. I couldn't make up my mind. Kind of buzzing over here from all the Thin Mints.


HEATHER said...

Darlin' you forgot the THREE MOST important parts of that 19th century thing-NO AIR CONDITIONING! NO HOT SHOWERS!! NO FLUSH TOLIETS!!
Oh and not being allowed to vote or own property would make me crazy! OH and I would probably be with you writing the crazy pamphlets and smelling(because you know I can't live without the AC!)!

sybil law said...

Oh I already had to live without power this past summer for 5 days, and I barely made it, so I know I could not be Laura Ingalls! Plus, it would kill me to call my dad Pa.

Gypsy said...

Will you disown me if I say I've never seen this? Because I've never seen this. And I'm a southerner. The shame.

Anonymous said...

Holy Cow! I haven't thought of this movie in a long time! They should have a station that plays mini series 24/7....Shogun, Roots, the Thorn Birds....

Faiqa said...

Yeah. I'm going to go with "I agree." I don't even want to THINK about what would have happened to me in 19th century America.

A Free Man said...

Are you seriously watching that cheesy ass miniseries right now?

Actually as a fan of all things American Civil War, I'm secretly jealous.

Anonymous said...

When I saw 'cheesy' I immediately thought of Cheez Wiz. Another thing they didn't have.

Seriously, how did people survive??

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Nothing like an historical mini-series to have you appreciate modern amenities. I'll have to talk to you about my women's history lectures sometime.

Molly's Mom said...

You know, I've never watched North & South...it's on my list of things to do - maybe this summer!