In the midst of the final push to finish this proposal for the Ty-man's customer-from-Hell, being sucked into 24/7 single-motherhood with Ty working 24-hour days (not kidding), I found myself sucked into Listverse. How did I never know of this site's existence? Well, I can honestly tell you that I spent the entire weekend glued to it. I did manage to squeeze some motherhood and household chores in between the Top 10 Places You Can't Go and the Top 10 Greatest Soviet Films, but eating was a stretch.
So, to pass along the love, I give you 10 of my favorite Top 10 lists from Listverse.
I promise, 48 hours of your life is about to disappear.
10. Top 10 Bizarre Artworks - Great white shark in formaldehyde! An unmade bed! Sex dolls! It's riveting stuff.
9. Top 10 Unfortunate or Embarrassing Deaths - Um, yeah. Number 5? Perpetrated by my mom's family. Scared yet?
8. Top 10 Tips to Commit the Perfect Crime - Get schooled.
7. Top 10 Prison Survival Tips - When the previous list fails you.
6. Top 15 Most Disturbing Movies - So, yeah, this is a list of 15, but I have to include it because I've seen number 10 in this list. And it? Was a total mind-f*ck. Thanks, Reed.
5. Top 10 Incurable Diseases - Like I need anything else to keep me awake at night.
4. 10 Fascinating Last Pictures Taken - Number 9 freaks me out. Every time.
3. Top 10 Politically Incorrect Kids Books - WTF?!? The Laura Ingalls Wilder books are on this list? Michael Landon would be so pissed.
2. Top 10 Eerie Recordings - Don't listen to these with the lights off.
1. Top 10 Failed Apocalyptic Predictions - Let's hope on December 22, 2012, this becomes a Top 11 list.
There are a ton more. Not kidding. Check out their archives. Don't say I didn't warn you!
Showing posts with label top 10. Show all posts
Showing posts with label top 10. Show all posts
18 January 2010
03 March 2009
10 Reasons Why North & South Cheers Me Up
OR
Why I'm Glad I Didn't Live in 19th-Century America*
1. David Carradine is much cooler as Bill than as an abusive slave-owner. No contest. The samurai sword wins every time.
2. Four words: Cheesy. Major. Network. Mini-series.
3. The lack of satellite TV in 1860 would be heartbreaking. I wouldn't know of satellite TV's future existence, but still. I'm pretty sure I'd be bored out of my gourd.
4. In the 19th century, I wouldn't be known as a Blogger but rather That loony woman up the road who never leaves her house and writes crazy pamphlets. Oh, and? She smells.
5. Hot Patrick Swayze/Lesley-Anne Down sex. Yummy.
6. I could watch Gone With The Wind, but damn it, Vivien Leigh's attempt at a Southern accent gives me the willies.
7. A young Jonathan Frakes? Without a beard? Playing a wuss? Kinda funny.
8. DAMN! This Thin Mint is orgasmi... wait. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. No Girl Scout cookies in 19th century America. Mphffff. Crunch. Snort! I'm pretty sure of that.
9. Lewis Smith! LEWIS FRAKKING SMITH, people! Also known as Perfect Tommy in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension? Look at what you've made me do. Now I'm going to have to watch that movie. And listen to Ty-man roll his eyes. Because, believe me, he rolls his eyes so hard during this movie that I can hear them two seats over. But I don't care. Because it's Peter Weller! Looking sexy! And the Hong Kong Cavaliers! With aliens who speak Rastafarian and are named John Smallberries and John Bigboote! And... wait. What the fuck were we just talking about?
10. It was rough living as a woman in the 1800s. Honestly. No indoor plumbing. No jeans. And no TAMPONS! Fer cryin' out loud, it was barbaric.
* Yeah. It's a mixed-bag. I couldn't make up my mind. Kind of buzzing over here from all the Thin Mints.
Why I'm Glad I Didn't Live in 19th-Century America*
1. David Carradine is much cooler as Bill than as an abusive slave-owner. No contest. The samurai sword wins every time.
2. Four words: Cheesy. Major. Network. Mini-series.
3. The lack of satellite TV in 1860 would be heartbreaking. I wouldn't know of satellite TV's future existence, but still. I'm pretty sure I'd be bored out of my gourd.
4. In the 19th century, I wouldn't be known as a Blogger but rather That loony woman up the road who never leaves her house and writes crazy pamphlets. Oh, and? She smells.
5. Hot Patrick Swayze/Lesley-Anne Down sex. Yummy.
6. I could watch Gone With The Wind, but damn it, Vivien Leigh's attempt at a Southern accent gives me the willies.
7. A young Jonathan Frakes? Without a beard? Playing a wuss? Kinda funny.
8. DAMN! This Thin Mint is orgasmi... wait. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. No Girl Scout cookies in 19th century America. Mphffff. Crunch. Snort! I'm pretty sure of that.
9. Lewis Smith! LEWIS FRAKKING SMITH, people! Also known as Perfect Tommy in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension? Look at what you've made me do. Now I'm going to have to watch that movie. And listen to Ty-man roll his eyes. Because, believe me, he rolls his eyes so hard during this movie that I can hear them two seats over. But I don't care. Because it's Peter Weller! Looking sexy! And the Hong Kong Cavaliers! With aliens who speak Rastafarian and are named John Smallberries and John Bigboote! And... wait. What the fuck were we just talking about?
10. It was rough living as a woman in the 1800s. Honestly. No indoor plumbing. No jeans. And no TAMPONS! Fer cryin' out loud, it was barbaric.
* Yeah. It's a mixed-bag. I couldn't make up my mind. Kind of buzzing over here from all the Thin Mints.
03 April 2008
Top Ten Signs You're a Lapsed Scuba Diver
10) You look at your kids and wonder if you could get enough money for them to pay for a South Pacific dive trip.
9) You fantasize about diving in Lake Lanier, Georgia. Wow! I love collecting beer cans, fishing line, and dead bodies!
8) You start wearing your old dive t-shirts every day. Even on date nights!
7) Instead of telling people you're tired, you just say, "I'm narced!"
6) You read and re-read your dive magazines until the pictures are worn off.
5) You get aroused looking at dry suit ads.
4) The news talks about a Hollywood personality getting arrested for a DUI and you wonder, "Why would somebody get arrested for buying a dry suit?"
3) Sea Hunt re-runs just aren't doing it for you anymore.
2) You stand in your driveway, fully geared up, whenever it rains.
1) You rent an air tank just stay underwater in your bathtub.
9) You fantasize about diving in Lake Lanier, Georgia. Wow! I love collecting beer cans, fishing line, and dead bodies!
8) You start wearing your old dive t-shirts every day. Even on date nights!
7) Instead of telling people you're tired, you just say, "I'm narced!"
6) You read and re-read your dive magazines until the pictures are worn off.
5) You get aroused looking at dry suit ads.
4) The news talks about a Hollywood personality getting arrested for a DUI and you wonder, "Why would somebody get arrested for buying a dry suit?"
3) Sea Hunt re-runs just aren't doing it for you anymore.
2) You stand in your driveway, fully geared up, whenever it rains.
1) You rent an air tank just stay underwater in your bathtub.
21 September 2007
Top Ten People You Want to Hear Say "I Love You"
Today was a milestone, a landmark, a day that brought tears to my eyes. It was the first time one of my children (Miss-Miss, to be exact) said, "I love you, Mama." Dear Lord, if we hadn't been in a rush to get them out the door for their daily walk, I would have wept. As it is, I smiled big (causing her to smile bigger) and said, "I love you, too, Miss-Miss! Oh, Mama loves you so very much!" So, in honor of this momentous occasion, here is this Friday's top ten.
The top ten people you want to hear say "I Love You":
10. Those sweet, dear, wonderful friends of yours on a night out on the town, drunk, calling at 3AM! (Heeeeeeyyyyy! You know what? I loooooooovvvveeee you! And you know what else? I'm sooooooooo drunk!)
9. A waiter/waitress whom you've just tipped 50% or more of the bill. (You know what? I love you! Would you like a piece of pie, on the house?)
8. Someone you've just helped out of a bind/accident/bad day (Gee, thanks for pulling me out of that burning car and giving me CPR, resuscitating me and saving my life! I love you.).
7. Your furry child (OK, they can't talk, but a lick is the feline/canine equivalent of I love you.)
6. Your Hollywood/famous-person crush. (For me, Sean Connery. Hmmmm, nothin' beats I love you said with a Scottish accent!)
5. Those sweet, dear, wonderful sober friends!
4. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and the like.
3. Parents, of course. The I love yous from parents are always comforting!
2. Dear sweet hubby/wife/significant other. These I love yous are quite special.
1. Those sweet, adorable offspring! These you cherish!
See you tomorrow with the weekend quote!
The top ten people you want to hear say "I Love You":
10. Those sweet, dear, wonderful friends of yours on a night out on the town, drunk, calling at 3AM! (Heeeeeeyyyyy! You know what? I loooooooovvvveeee you! And you know what else? I'm sooooooooo drunk!)
9. A waiter/waitress whom you've just tipped 50% or more of the bill. (You know what? I love you! Would you like a piece of pie, on the house?)
8. Someone you've just helped out of a bind/accident/bad day (Gee, thanks for pulling me out of that burning car and giving me CPR, resuscitating me and saving my life! I love you.).
7. Your furry child (OK, they can't talk, but a lick is the feline/canine equivalent of I love you.)
6. Your Hollywood/famous-person crush. (For me, Sean Connery. Hmmmm, nothin' beats I love you said with a Scottish accent!)
5. Those sweet, dear, wonderful sober friends!
4. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and the like.
3. Parents, of course. The I love yous from parents are always comforting!
2. Dear sweet hubby/wife/significant other. These I love yous are quite special.
1. Those sweet, adorable offspring! These you cherish!
See you tomorrow with the weekend quote!
14 September 2007
Top Ten Things I Can't Live Without
Aaaaannnnnddddd here's this Friday's top ten list (watch out, Mr. Letterman!):
I just absolutely, positively cannot live without the following:
10. Sean Connery. Love him. Don't care that he's 80. He's the man. The sky will go black and I will curl up in a ball the day he leaves this earth.
9. Bonaire. Best diving in this hemisphere. I need frequent trips there to center myself. Yep, Bonaire has to be on this list.
8. Splenda. I sweeten nearly everything with this stuff (OK, well maybe not roast beef). It ROCKS!
7. My Intel MacBook Pro running Mac OS v. 10.4.10 (aka Tiger). Steve Jobs is a god.
6. My iPod nano. See above.
5. Deodorant. I think if I and everyone else had a natural human funk going on, I would probably drop dead from the smell.
4. Spot Shot. One cat with a sensitive stomach and miles of off-white carpet. You figure it out.
3. My friends. They are my extended family who keep me sane.
2. My family, husband, and children. They know me best of all take all my crap, no questions asked. I would collapse into a heap without them.
1. Air conditioning. Yes, air conditioning before children and husband. Sad, I know. "Ma'am! Ma'am! Your house is on fire! We can only save the children and your hubby OR the AC units!" Yep, you guessed it.
(By the way, if you believe number 1, come by my house so I can smack you!)
I just absolutely, positively cannot live without the following:
10. Sean Connery. Love him. Don't care that he's 80. He's the man. The sky will go black and I will curl up in a ball the day he leaves this earth.
9. Bonaire. Best diving in this hemisphere. I need frequent trips there to center myself. Yep, Bonaire has to be on this list.
8. Splenda. I sweeten nearly everything with this stuff (OK, well maybe not roast beef). It ROCKS!
7. My Intel MacBook Pro running Mac OS v. 10.4.10 (aka Tiger). Steve Jobs is a god.
6. My iPod nano. See above.
5. Deodorant. I think if I and everyone else had a natural human funk going on, I would probably drop dead from the smell.
4. Spot Shot. One cat with a sensitive stomach and miles of off-white carpet. You figure it out.
3. My friends. They are my extended family who keep me sane.
2. My family, husband, and children. They know me best of all take all my crap, no questions asked. I would collapse into a heap without them.
1. Air conditioning. Yes, air conditioning before children and husband. Sad, I know. "Ma'am! Ma'am! Your house is on fire! We can only save the children and your hubby OR the AC units!" Yep, you guessed it.
(By the way, if you believe number 1, come by my house so I can smack you!)
07 September 2007
Top Ten Important Things to Remember About Kids
Drumroll please!
10. You have to wash, dry, and fold at least one load of laundry each day, regardless of rain, sleet, hail, sunshine, stomach flu, or polio. Otherwise, you'll be buried in clothes and towels.
9. It's OK to escape upstairs, with your coffee, for 10 minutes and read 10 pages of your book while the kids are melting down. Otherwise, bad things could happen!
8. Constant application of Desitin keeps diaper rash at bay.
7. The second you leave the room/answer the phone/fix yourself a meal, all Hell is going to break loose!
6. Just when everything is going smoothly (kids are eating well, sleeping a lot, playing nicely together, happy) it will all go pear-shaped the next day (no appetite, night terrors, toy theft, whiny, teething).
5. If the kids are fussy for no apparent reason (normal temp, clean diaper, long nap, well-fed), dose them with Motrin! They could be teething! Don't underestimate the power of medicating your children!
4. The kids are always going to be more interested in the giftwrap/box than the gift itself. Don't be offended.
3. No matter how many good-tasting, healthy foods you feed them, the kids will still beg for the chocolate cupcake/Doritos/cookies you're eating.
2. The kids don't care if you're sick, coughing up a lung or your breakfast, the walking dead with a 104 fever. All they want is their meal, story time, and a LEGO aircraft carrier now dammit!
1. Your kids' hugs and kisses at the end of the long, tough day make all the other stresses worthwhile!
Have a great weekend!
10. You have to wash, dry, and fold at least one load of laundry each day, regardless of rain, sleet, hail, sunshine, stomach flu, or polio. Otherwise, you'll be buried in clothes and towels.
9. It's OK to escape upstairs, with your coffee, for 10 minutes and read 10 pages of your book while the kids are melting down. Otherwise, bad things could happen!
8. Constant application of Desitin keeps diaper rash at bay.
7. The second you leave the room/answer the phone/fix yourself a meal, all Hell is going to break loose!
6. Just when everything is going smoothly (kids are eating well, sleeping a lot, playing nicely together, happy) it will all go pear-shaped the next day (no appetite, night terrors, toy theft, whiny, teething).
5. If the kids are fussy for no apparent reason (normal temp, clean diaper, long nap, well-fed), dose them with Motrin! They could be teething! Don't underestimate the power of medicating your children!
4. The kids are always going to be more interested in the giftwrap/box than the gift itself. Don't be offended.
3. No matter how many good-tasting, healthy foods you feed them, the kids will still beg for the chocolate cupcake/Doritos/cookies you're eating.
2. The kids don't care if you're sick, coughing up a lung or your breakfast, the walking dead with a 104 fever. All they want is their meal, story time, and a LEGO aircraft carrier now dammit!
1. Your kids' hugs and kisses at the end of the long, tough day make all the other stresses worthwhile!
Have a great weekend!
31 August 2007
Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate August
And, here is this Friday's top ten:
10. It's too friggin' hot!
9. There aren't any major holidays.
8. It's a 31-day month that follows a 31-day month.
7. It's too danged hot!
6. My sod turns brown no matter how much it's watered.
5. Trying to wear all of my white clothes before Labor Day is just too stressful.
4. HOT!!!!! (Pant, pant, sweat dribbles...)
3. Water restrictions (see #6).
2 1/2. (OK, OK, this is turning into a top 11 list). Peridot is such a lame birthstone.
2. My morning cup of coffee may wake me up, but I'm sweating before I finish it!
1. Did I mention I'm wilting in this heat?
Thank God tomorrow's September! Woo hoo!
10. It's too friggin' hot!
9. There aren't any major holidays.
8. It's a 31-day month that follows a 31-day month.
7. It's too danged hot!
6. My sod turns brown no matter how much it's watered.
5. Trying to wear all of my white clothes before Labor Day is just too stressful.
4. HOT!!!!! (Pant, pant, sweat dribbles...)
3. Water restrictions (see #6).
2 1/2. (OK, OK, this is turning into a top 11 list). Peridot is such a lame birthstone.
2. My morning cup of coffee may wake me up, but I'm sweating before I finish it!
1. Did I mention I'm wilting in this heat?
Thank God tomorrow's September! Woo hoo!
24 August 2007
Top Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Parent Without Sleep
And, here is this Friday's top ten:
10. When breastfeeding, you're limited to one cup of coffee per day. That's just enough caffeine to get you through the first 30 minutes of the morning.
9. While staring blankly into space, your two-year-old has colored his shirt, the wall, the carpet, and your sofa, with his crayons.
8. While savoring your one cup of coffee, the cat has costume jewelry wrapped around his neck and is choking.
7. No longer choking, the cat is now eating Cheerios, graham sticks, and raisins.
6. In your half-asleep haze, you've left a gate open and your once clean and neat living room is now a federally-declared disaster area.
5. While you're trying to figure out what day it is, the kids have gone without sunscreen and are now a bright, beet-red.
4. As you longingly stare at your coffee maker, you realize you've fed the kids moldy grapes.
3. While contemplating the softness of your Tempur-Pedic bed, you realize your daughter has been drinking from the same, unrefrigerated cup of milk all day. Diarrhea is soon to follow.
2. It's bath night and you unknowingly chuck both kids into the filled tub, dirty diapers and all.
1. You've fallen asleep during Little Bear and wake up 5 minutes later only to find one child screaming and stuck under the art easel, the second child has a purple tongue from sucking on a crayon remnant, the third child has a leaking poopy diaper, and DFACS is knocking on your door.
Have a great weekend! I'll be napping!
10. When breastfeeding, you're limited to one cup of coffee per day. That's just enough caffeine to get you through the first 30 minutes of the morning.
9. While staring blankly into space, your two-year-old has colored his shirt, the wall, the carpet, and your sofa, with his crayons.
8. While savoring your one cup of coffee, the cat has costume jewelry wrapped around his neck and is choking.
7. No longer choking, the cat is now eating Cheerios, graham sticks, and raisins.
6. In your half-asleep haze, you've left a gate open and your once clean and neat living room is now a federally-declared disaster area.
5. While you're trying to figure out what day it is, the kids have gone without sunscreen and are now a bright, beet-red.
4. As you longingly stare at your coffee maker, you realize you've fed the kids moldy grapes.
3. While contemplating the softness of your Tempur-Pedic bed, you realize your daughter has been drinking from the same, unrefrigerated cup of milk all day. Diarrhea is soon to follow.
2. It's bath night and you unknowingly chuck both kids into the filled tub, dirty diapers and all.
1. You've fallen asleep during Little Bear and wake up 5 minutes later only to find one child screaming and stuck under the art easel, the second child has a purple tongue from sucking on a crayon remnant, the third child has a leaking poopy diaper, and DFACS is knocking on your door.
Have a great weekend! I'll be napping!
17 August 2007
Top Ten Reasons Why Owning a Minivan Sucks
Well, I've decided to initiate a weekly Friday Top 10 list because by Friday evenings my brain is mush from the previous week's happenings (read: kids). So, I'm no David Letterman, but here goes anyway.
The Top Ten Reasons Why Owning a Minivan Sucks:
10. It instantly screams suburban housewife!
9. People ding it with their shopping carts probably thinking you don't care.
8. The dang things attract Cheerios like paper clips to a magnet.
7. The only bumper stickers that look cool are those "My kid's an honor student at..."
6. The inside smells like Cheerios, sour milk, and spit up (this is actually a factory-installed option!).
5. Even though it fits four adults and three kids, two strollers and two diaper bags take up all the trunk space.
4. Dive flag stickers, listening to alternative rock, opening the sunroof, and wearing cool sunglasses just don't make it any better when you're driving the damned thing.
3. Driving it during a date night still makes you feel as if the kids are there with you.
2. They don't come in a "V8 Hemi, convertible rag top, stick shift, purple with red and orange flames" option.
1. Your supposed best friend buys you a "Soccer Mom" magnet the minute you bring it home. (TERI!)
The Top Ten Reasons Why Owning a Minivan Sucks:
10. It instantly screams suburban housewife!
9. People ding it with their shopping carts probably thinking you don't care.
8. The dang things attract Cheerios like paper clips to a magnet.
7. The only bumper stickers that look cool are those "My kid's an honor student at..."
6. The inside smells like Cheerios, sour milk, and spit up (this is actually a factory-installed option!).
5. Even though it fits four adults and three kids, two strollers and two diaper bags take up all the trunk space.
4. Dive flag stickers, listening to alternative rock, opening the sunroof, and wearing cool sunglasses just don't make it any better when you're driving the damned thing.
3. Driving it during a date night still makes you feel as if the kids are there with you.
2. They don't come in a "V8 Hemi, convertible rag top, stick shift, purple with red and orange flames" option.
1. Your supposed best friend buys you a "Soccer Mom" magnet the minute you bring it home. (TERI!)
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