14 January 2009

Crackbook

In the beginning, there was the Commodore 64. It gaveth The Adolescent CMG the ability to programeth in BASIC and to becometh a geek. This was found to be good.

The advent of DOS helped The CMG to spreadeth her wings. Commands such as DIR, FORMAT, CLS, and MKDIR filled her days with wonder and delight. The CMG was decidedly content.

BASIC, Fortran, and Pascal mark'd her lonely college days with programming and the commanding of computers. Better than commanding man. Almost. The CMG smiled and these languages were found to be excellent.

With the dawn of the Internet came the ability for The CMG to shopeth for books, gargoyles, and quilt racks, the brick-a-brack so desperately needed by all upwardly-mobile 20-somethings of the 1990s. And this? Was deemed spectacular.

And now came the blog, a place for The CMG to ranteth and raveth and air her insanity publicly. And She was ecstatic.

Within a year came Twitter. The CMG tweeteth'd and twateth'd and found Herself poorer in writing material by 1,016 Twitter updates. Suddenly, The CMG was disillusioned and yet, She soldiered on.

The CMG tried MySpace and found it to be infantile, high-school, and generally annoying as Hell. And She was displeased.

This brings us, dear children, to the Facebook, the application from Hell, spawned by demons and dredged from the fires of Damnation to take away The CMG's sanity, time, and ability to function beyond moronic, two-line, status updates. The CMG realized her life was now a chaotic jumble because Facebook brought together friends from high school, college, old jobs, and blogging. Without the ability to keepeth her multiple personalities separate, The CMG twitcheth'd the muscle above her right eye, frowned, and deemed the Facebook as an abomination that must be destroyed.



That is why, dear readers, if any of you have Facebook accounts, you should brace yourselves. I may have to hack into the Facebook, Inc. servers and annihilate them from the inside out. I apologize for any grief this may cause you, but it must be done, for I have spoken and it must be so. I do this for the sake of mankind, the Universe, and my sanity. Which is far more important than the world knowing "It is currently 41F outside. Am going to go eat some ice cream. That's how I roll."

You're welcome.

17 comments:

HEATHER said...

I just really don't care for Facebook, so I haven't gotten hooked on it.

frogpondsrock said...

hehehehe. I will pass you the spanner

Molly's Mom said...

Oh crap. Yeah, I've got the Facebook twitch too. Friend me!

Faiqa said...

Would you please drop everything and make this the top priority in your life? Mmmmyeah, thanks. My kid is getting pretty hungry and the house is starting to smell funny.

Giggle Pixie said...

I have my Facebook account but I'm not real active on it. Who has the fricken time? I can barely keep my blog afloat, and that, of course, has to be top priority! :-)

Trukindog said...

Yeah I have a facebook acct. that constantly confuse's me, after all I'm just a Redneck Gear Jammer and many of the "applications" they have just confound my brain...but I keep tryin.

Turnbaby said...

Since I don't use my real name on FB I've been able to keep it compartmentalized.

Of course I CAN NOT leave Wordscraper alone but ;-)

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

Yeah, Facebook is the devil. It is ALL FB's fault that my real life started blending with my blog world. Damn you, Facebook!

I am FB friends with both sides of the family, even my husband's cousins, elementary school, high school, college #1, college #2, sorority, life after college in Boston...and NOW. They are all together and can now see each other through me. Very. Scary.

Take it down, my dear. TAKE IT DOWN!!

Anonymous said...

You twateth'd?
Really?
Does Ty Man know?

Love ya!
Fang

Toasty said...

OMG!!! I hate Facebook too! This makes me lurve you even more.
I'm with Giggle Pixie... who has the time? And Ashlie.. the reason I got off Facebook (besides it being from hell) was that my FAMILY members were trying to friend me. No, thank you!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Facebook has stayed on the backburner for me, thank god. I use it sparingly, and only as needed.

A Free Man said...

The Commodore 64 was awesome.

Facebook is just not. Let me know if you need a hand with that Facebook destruction.

Patois said...

I ran into a former colleague of mine at an event last night -- the one event I go to each year -- and she called me a Facebook lurker. So be it.

Smite away.

.:| Melissa |:. said...

Nah, it's 19 degrees outside now!! That's WAY colder than a Witch's Tit or a Well Digger's Ass!! LOL

As for Facebook ... um. yea. It confuses the hell out of me (all those freakin applications)!! And yes, I am quite computer literate (though, I don't even come close to having the knowledge that you do!!). But that shit ... I just get all kinds of frustrated on there!! I don't log in very often there, either. I tried to keep up, a few months back, but just couldn't take it. After a week or two, I told my peeps that I just couldn't do it! So I went back to my log in maybe 4 times a year plan! LOL

Donna said...

Oh yes, I know how you feel because I realized too many of my family and people I know (versus friends) now use and friend me on facebook on the same account as my bloggy friends, which means people are going to find my blog!!!
I thought of closing one and creating another, just to keep thins separate ... contemplating the exhuausting measures it might take to keep such a scam going.

kaila said...

I logged on to Facebook last Wednesday for the first time in 9 months - 12 hours later, I thought I might die. Make it go away, please.

Gypsy said...

While you're at it, please make it so that I can get to Crackbook from work. Please? With a cherry on top?