Why I Haven't Blogged in Five Days
The Ty-man has been working crazy-stupid hours for the last two weeks. So crazy-stupid that I've been muttering to myself Um, yeah, this whole almost-single-motherhood thing? SUCKS ASS! and I'm not even an almost-single mother! And these crazy-stupid work hours? Are pretty much going to continue well into March and all the while I'm thinking Dear Baby Jesus? Could you come down for a play date with my kids? And distract them? While I hit the coconut rum in the garage? Thanks so very much.
And then? I found out about TequilaCon, ConFab, TapsCon, and BlogHer and I'm all FRACK! Not enough money for all of them! Which one to choose? Where do I go? GAH!
And then I watched the Battlestar Galactica season premier and I was like THAT'S the 12th cylon? Seriously? And "frak" doesn't have a "c" in it? You mean I've misspelled an imaginary sci-fi cuss word for all these months? FRAK FRAK FRAKKING FRAK!!!
And then I realized I had EVP sessions that I needed to listen to from a December investigation and when I finally listened to them I shouted Listen!! Do you smell something? because I actually found an honest-to-God unexplainable human voice on an audio recording after a whole year of listening to EVP sessions to no avail!*
But then I remembered that I had the minutes to type out from the HOA Board meeting from Hell and figured Heather made a motion that this meeting blew chunks, Jodi seconded, motion passed (5-0) pretty much covered the whole bloody thing.
And then I connected with a friend on Crackbook who is himself a Crackbook friend with an ex-friend of mine and I was all SERIOUSLY?!? Jackass didn't go to Hell like I told him to? and I childishly stomped my foot a few times and huffed about the kitchen for the rest of the afternoon.
And then my youngest and oldest children both decided, simultaneously, to go on sleep strikes that involve screaming bloody murder for hours on end (youngest) and emptying the contents of the dresser drawers onto the bed (oldest) and I screamed TIME OUT! For ten hours! No more toys for you! No more sanity for me! Bubba is now my favorite!!
And of course I followed all this up by simultaneously reading four books about (1) Fermat's last theorem, (2) a murder mystery involving wolves, (3) king crab fishing, and (4) a middle-aged artist who has an unhealthy attraction to a 16-year-old girl. And I suddenly found myself mumbling King Crab3 plus Tanner Crab3 does not equal Blue Crab3, but wolves can certainly mangle statutory rapists.
And lastly, my eczema has flared up so badly that my fingers are cracked and since band-aids aren't made to stay on the base of your left ring finger without extreme discomfort, I was all Whatever. Superglue was used on the wounded soldiers in Vietnam! Let's do it!
So, how have you been?
*Yeah, I know. Bad run-on sentence. My 8th grade English teacher is spinning in her grave. Or in her living room. Not sure which.