Crackbook

In the beginning, there was the Commodore 64. It gaveth The Adolescent CMG the ability to programeth in BASIC and to becometh a geek. This was found to be good.

The advent of DOS helped The CMG to spreadeth her wings. Commands such as DIR, FORMAT, CLS, and MKDIR filled her days with wonder and delight. The CMG was decidedly content.

BASIC, Fortran, and Pascal mark'd her lonely college days with programming and the commanding of computers. Better than commanding man. Almost. The CMG smiled and these languages were found to be excellent.

With the dawn of the Internet came the ability for The CMG to shopeth for books, gargoyles, and quilt racks, the brick-a-brack so desperately needed by all upwardly-mobile 20-somethings of the 1990s. And this? Was deemed spectacular.

And now came the blog, a place for The CMG to ranteth and raveth and air her insanity publicly. And She was ecstatic.

Within a year came Twitter. The CMG tweeteth'd and twateth'd and found Herself poorer in writing material by 1,016 Twitter updates. Suddenly, The CMG was disillusioned and yet, She soldiered on.

The CMG tried MySpace and found it to be infantile, high-school, and generally annoying as Hell. And She was displeased.

This brings us, dear children, to the Facebook, the application from Hell, spawned by demons and dredged from the fires of Damnation to take away The CMG's sanity, time, and ability to function beyond moronic, two-line, status updates. The CMG realized her life was now a chaotic jumble because Facebook brought together friends from high school, college, old jobs, and blogging. Without the ability to keepeth her multiple personalities separate, The CMG twitcheth'd the muscle above her right eye, frowned, and deemed the Facebook as an abomination that must be destroyed.



That is why, dear readers, if any of you have Facebook accounts, you should brace yourselves. I may have to hack into the Facebook, Inc. servers and annihilate them from the inside out. I apologize for any grief this may cause you, but it must be done, for I have spoken and it must be so. I do this for the sake of mankind, the Universe, and my sanity. Which is far more important than the world knowing "It is currently 41F outside. Am going to go eat some ice cream. That's how I roll."

You're welcome.