NEW! From K-Smel! The makers of such stunning products as...
The Change-It-Once-A-Day Diaper!
That weight listed on the side of the box? That's how much they'll hold!
If they fall on the floor, they bounce right back to the table!
For the young'un who just can't be bothered to "go potty!"
We introduce the diet that's sweeping the nation! Changing lives! Trimming waistlines!
THE TODDLER DIET!
Dr. Marian Idontwannaeatthat developed this diet after watching her 15 kids ignore their meals for over 30 years and she realized that meal starvation, whole milk, and Teddy grahams were the answer to America's expanding waistlines.
Simply put, you never eat a meal. How great is that?! You save money and lose weight at the same time! Skipping three meals a day is easy on the wallet and certainly keeps your kitchen clean!
Next, stock up on the whole milk. Drinking a minimum of 32 ounces a day (from a sippy cup - you have to work for it, you know) keeps your bones strong and gives you enough protein to keep your stomach quiet when it protests the lack of food.
And finally, the consumption of Teddy grahams (1/2 cup, twice a day) while watching mind-numbing episodes of Little Bear will guarantee an operational colon.
We assure you that this sure-fire diet will knock off five or ten or even one hundred pounds and take you down from a size 20 to a 2T! And we're so sure of this fabulous result that we'll throw in as an added bonus, the Your Mom Is Gonna Go Bald When You Don't Eat Her Meatloaf! scrapbook so that you can document those special holiday meals when your family realizes you're starving yourself.
So, call us now at 1-800-NO-DINNER and reserve your copy of Dr. Marian Idontwannaeatthat's book The Toddler Diet: A Starvation Diet for The Big People at the bargain price of $29.95! And don't forget to call in the next 24 hours and we'll throw in the scrapbook absolutely free!
Yes, Miss-Miss. I'm talking to you. Eat that chicken salad your Nana slaved over or I just may take away your chocolate. Until you're 30.