09 February 2009

CMG's Mustache

There is one extremely embarrassing moment in any marriage that cannot be avoided. A defining millisecond that makes you just want to curl up in your ratty, coffee-stained terry cloth robe, under your bedsheets that haven't been changed in three weeks, behind your well-worn copy of Dune and never come out.

Nope. It's not when you fart in front of your husband.

Nope. It's not when he walks in while you're making your I need more fiber! face.

And nope. It's not even when he walks in while you're changing out your chartreuse flamethrower*.

It's when he breezes through the bathroom and spots the bleach/hair remover cream on your upper lip.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that was the moment yesterday when I wanted desperately to crawl into a hole and die. To admit that I have unwanted facial hair and that I have to deal with it on a regular basis is a conversation I have avoided for almost 21 years. And to "get caught in the act" by the Ty-man? Oy.

In order to avoid any future embarrassment, I have decided to just damn the torpedoes, damn the secrets, and damn that Sally Hansen bitch to Hell and grow myself some honest-to-Tom Selleck upper lip pubes.

I'm trying to decide on my new look. What do you think?

I could just let it grow however it wants to grow:

Get something a bit more manicured:

Then there's the whole handlebar thing:

And let's not forget the classic 20th century European dictator look which may get me on Avitable's masthead:

And speaking of Adam:

What do you guys think?

*Berkeley Breathed? Bloom County? Opus and the gang? Never mind.


LeSombre said...

That's funny, I also started to get a mustache after my 37th b-day.

Seriously, what you have now is fine, don't change.

Tuli said...

I feel ya, sistah!

I've got a ladystache developing over here that I'm gonna have to deal with REAL soon.

RiverPoet said...

I guess there's something really good about having been a blond-haired child. The hair on my arms and facial area is pale, pale, pale. But every now and then, I feel a giant hair that has sprouted overnight from under my chin. The first time that happened, hubby and I were standing outside and he said, "Oh, let me get that dog hair that's hanging on you...uh...it's attached."

I could have died. So I feel for you!

Will there be a new blog? CMG's Mustache? ;-)

Peace - D

sybil law said...

I am partial to the handlebars, myself. or maybe the Tom Selleck.

Trukindog said...

I can't help but wonder if Ty man has facial hair cause that could be like teenagers with braces if y'all get tangled up in a passionate kiss OUCH!

Father Muskrat said...

Um, bad idea. It looks okay on Avitable, but not so much on you.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

To me, that's just a sign of true love. Sounds like you got yourself a keeper there.

Giggle Pixie said...

I would go for any one but the Dirty Sanchez mustache myself. lol

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

LeSombre - Thanks, hon. Thankfully, if I chose to not maintain it, you would look at me and think Wow. The lighting in here is bad. Either that or her upper lip has dirt on it. I just obsess.

Tuli - I've got some hair removal cream I'll loan you! :)

RiverPoet - I was blonde. Then I hit the teenage years and it all went downhill from there. :)

Sybil Law - Seriously. Wouldn't a Tom Selleck mustache be awesome? :)

Trukindog - HA! That is a distinct possibility.

Father Muskrat - Yeah. I thought as much.

NATUI - He is a keeper. I mean, heck, he watched a human being (three, in fact!) come out of my vagina. He really must love me!

Giggle Pixie - HA!

metalmom said...

Ah, you got your man. Time to let yourself go. LOL

MtnAngelWV said...

Wait until you hit menopause, CMG!! After I started going through menopause I developed so much hair that I swear if I let it grow I could rival Abe Lincoln!

Molly's Mom said...

Uh...yeah. I'm getting mine taken care of tomorrow at my local salon. If I had the extra money, I'd SO be getting laser hair removal!

Patois said...

I'm thinking the natural look is best.

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...


I like the handlebar one. It's a keeper.

A Free Man said...

I don't know nothin' about no lady mustaches, but I do know a thing or two about Bloom County - best comic strip ever!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

MetalMom - HA! I should!

MtnAngelWV - Oh, Lord. Don't remind me!

Molly's Mom - I don't think I could handle the wax thing. Ouch!

Patois - Me, too.

Ashlie - It is pretty special!

A Free Man - It certainly was!

mentallyrehearsed said...

I've always wondered how I'd handle this if I ever get married. I can only hope that I keep it a secret as long as you have!
I like the handle bar look, btw. It's very Val Kilmer in Tombstone.

Gypsy said...

The shame!!!!!!!!