05 January 2010

I'm In Ur 'Puter! Feedin' Ur Reads!

Um, yeah. I'm back.

Allow the Force ripples to make their way down your spine. I'll wait.

Wow. My nails are beyond bad. Maybe I need a manicure. Or maybe I just need to rip those fuc...

Oh, hai. You're back. Cool.

Yup, this joint has quite a few cobwebs. Allow me to dust a few things off and give you a brief run down of my life these past 20-ish days.
  • The proposal the Ty-man is writing for his main customer was originally due back to the customer today. After totally crapping on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and the J-man's first day of school with this proposal request, said customer decided that wasn't enough. OH NOES! Let's change 80% of said request, one week before Christmas, and change the due date to January 19th, thereby ripping the holidays AND our trip to Mexico to shreds.

    Bitter? Nah, not at all. But if you see me on the 11 o'clock news vandalizing the property of said customer, don't be surprised. Just quietly raise bail and hide me away somewhere in Disney World.
  • On the upside, the Ty-man has given me an island for my birthday. Well, he didn't give me an island, but he did nod his head when the travel agent said BONAIRE?!? My favorite place on Earth is the tiny island of Bonaire and from February 6-13, I'll be there, underwater, communing with the fish, floating my troubles away while the Ty-man sips Amstel Bright on the beach. I suppose that now I can't spray paint pornographic graffiti on the Ty-man's customer's property. But I still feel totally justified in mooning them.
  • Hickory Farms, people. Hickory-frakking-Farms! This is why my waistline resembles the shape of a beef stick during the holidays. Cookies-schmookies. Give me some beef parts, crackers, mustard, and questionable cheese any day. Now, THAT'S Christmas! Oy, why do I feel so bloated?
  • Did I mention that after a five-year break from pounding the pavement, I'm going to start running again? Yeah. If you see a beef stick-shaped woman in her running shoes, red-faced, panting and thumbing a ride, take pity.
  • J-man starts school today.* TODAY! You read me right. To-fucking-day. He's six days shy of being two years and eight months old and that means he's old enough for Montessori pre-school. As you read this, I've dressed him in his khakis and blue shirt, handed him his lunch box, and dropped him off with his siblings for a day of learning, discovery, fun, self-... aw, who the hell am I kidding? Kid has probably spent four hours screaming and crying his head off. He freaks if I go upstairs to fold laundry. This? Is not going to be pretty. I'll miss him like crazy, but I don't envy his teachers at all.
  • Did you know that the Southeastern Railway Museum has train engines and cars on display outdoors and indoors? And that the indoors section is not heated? And that train-loving toddlers aren't really interested in just walking around old trains that sit there? That they want the trains to move? And that when it's 27oF out, said toddlers who are already pissed that the trains aren't moving are doubly upset because they now have snotcicles forming on their noses and mouths? And that my tolerance level for toddler whining is set to zero when I'm shivering in my cowboy boots? Yeah, me neither. Looks like we'll be taking a trip on Amtrak this spring.
  • I am now obsessed with Julia Quinn's books. That is all.
  • I had to call the cops on the HOA bully, one week before Christmas. I won't go into detail here because I don't want him to be able to find me via Google, but suffice it to say that he came out of it looking like an idiot and no one got hurt. Want the 411? E-mail me.
And that's about it. What's up with you?

*Pictures and post to follow on the morrow.

20 comments:

Lynda said...

Oh, I want the 411. I need to find your email address.

Calem has been going to school for a while now (he's 4) and he does not like it. He does not want to be away from his Oma.

Plus, they try to make him go potty, and he just won't do it. I'm sure J-man will be fine though!

I hope you have a great trip! You need an accomplice to do the spray painting!

Molly's Mom said...

Yay, you're back! And I TOTALLY want the 411!

Bucky said...

Welcome back!

Avitable said...

In the end, all this work that Ty is doing will be totally worth it, right? :)

Oh, and fucking email me details already!

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

Yay!! So glad you're back.

I can't believe you're going to be in Bonaire while I'm in Aruba!! We will be closer here than back in the US.

Totally want the 411.

Tuli said...

Oh, happy DAY! Heather is in my Google Reader and I'm LOVIN' it! Your blogging break may have been necessary for you but it sure did suck from my end. I'm not bitter, just glad you're back.

DETAILS, Woman, DETAILS. I love to hear stories of asses making idiots of themselves.

Patois said...

I can't be the only one thinking, "Hmmmm, I betcha that customer decides to make more changes just before 1/19 and extends the due date until, oh, 2/13." But here's hoping it doesn't go that way! Now, off to Twitter to find out how it's going in real time with the J-man.

And Happy Christmas!

hello haha narf said...

yaaaaaaaaaay for you getting a vacation that involves communing with the fish!!!

if you want me to take a baseball bat to the customer's office building, lemme know. i'm here for you.

and i so do want the 411 on the mess with that asshole. love that he looked like the idiot that he is. maybe i need to take the baseball bat to his kneecaps. hmmmmm...

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I need the 411, and I'm glad you are back on the radar bc I have a friend up here w/ a vineyard and manner house that is reputed to be haunted and she wants YOU and your peeps to come and do a reading. Uh-huh. Email me for the 411.

LceeL said...

Oh yeah, baby. Give me the 411. And do you know? It took me a minute of staring to figure out what was 'off' in that picture. Did you do that with or without manicure beforehand. Or backhand, actually.

LceeL said...

HAH. I looked up and the next Word Verification is "putor". Like it's psychic or something.

Annie said...

Great to have you back! I'd love the 411 on that. I'll email you later.

I was just in the south, but didn't get to GA. Maybe next time?

Chelsie said...

So glad to see that you are back. That HOA bully clearly missed the manners lesson growing up. The past 20ish days have resulted in me feeling like a total fatty, but that's okay it's only once a year.

Hilly said...

Holy crap you've been busy and have been dealing with some major crap! You DESERVE life on that little island. :)

sybil law said...

I am sooooo glad you're back!
Need the 411.
I will hurt some people for you for free.
Happy New Year!!!

Barbara said...

So good to have you back, Heather. Cheers for the vacation lying ahead. And, of course, I also want the low-down on the bully.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Everyone - Will e-mail all the dish to you tomorrow. Tired right now. :)

Lynda - I will totally call you for some spray painting action! :)

Molly's Mom - And so glad to be back!

Bucky - Thanks!

Avitable - Yeah, it will. It will be great for the company and the bottom line. Right now, though? Sucks donkey balls.

MommyCosm - I KNOW!!! We need to figure out a way to meet up on Curacao. :)

Tuli - Woo hoo! Glad to be back!

Patois - Oh, don't you even dare think it! Don't worry, that has crossed my mind as well. Ty-man knows that if that happens, he will need to place me in a padded room for a very long time. :)

Hello Haha Narf - Woo hoo! Pittsburgh baseball bat action! I'm thinking that would be awesome. :)

NATUI - Holy crap! Seriously? Need to call you...

LceeL - Oh, no manicure. That pic is supposed to be me, trapped in the feed reader. I actually look sort of manic, don't I? :)

LceeL - HA!

Annie - Totally next time. You e-mail me!

Chelsie - Oh, he wouldn't know manners if they smacked him in the face.

Hilly - Thanks, hon!

Sybil Law - Woo hoo! Free hurtage!

Barbara - Oh, you'll totally get it Auntie!

hello haha narf said...

considering pittsburgh baseball has been in the crapper for a long, long time, i won't bring a pittsburgh baseball bat as i want to connect with the intended target.
:)

Gypsy said...

Welcome back (belatedly). Julia Quinn, eh? I'm writing that down.

Dave2 said...

I wanna go to Disney World!