As you may have noticed, my posts around here have been a bit scarce as of late. As have comments from me on many of your blogs.
It's because I'm a single mother.
Now, before all of you get your panties in a wad, my Facebook status still lists me as Married and the Ty-man and I are still nuptially bound and in love, but he is scarce around our home. Without going into specifics, Ty-man's company has 35 days to write a detailed proposal for their main customer. Said proposal will be long, in-depth, and it will take just about every waking hour of said 35 days to write. The proposal is due back to the customer on January 5th and if the customer chooses another company over us? Let's just say that would be bad. Really bad. So, between now and then, we're more like roommates than husband and wife. He kisses me and the kids, catches some shut-eye, and that's it. My partner in crime is not accessible and I'm not sure how to deal with it. The sharing of our days, hugs, laughter, all of it, is on hold. And that drives me nuts.
I honestly don't know how single parents do it. It's not just the madness of toddlers and the fatigue that brings you down, it's also not having that other half to depend on, bounce ideas off of, whine at for no reason. I find myself dragging through each day, not knowing how I'm going to finish it. I'm sleeping like the dead each night and napping through the afternoons with the kids. Is it because being a full-time parent is wearing me out? Is it depression? Is it that I just want to sleep through December and get to January 5th ASAP? I don't know. I just know that I'm barely making it.
I can't even come up with decent blog ideas. I stare at the screen and all that comes to mind is the dirty dishes or the Christmas cards to be sent or the broken toilet that needs to be replaced or the minivan that needs an oil change and 30,000 mile service or... well, you get the idea. Blogging is my emotional outlet and when I can't even muster the emotion required to write a post that is readable and doesn't embarrass me with its poor subject matter? Well, then something is definitely wrong.
I'm going to be scarce and I hate it. I'll be here, but I'll be watching, quietly. I'm conserving my energy for when the Ty-man is back. Mentally and physically.