Mother's Birth Day

Seven years ago today, I became a mother for the third time, which was amazing because just three short years before, I was convinced I would NEVER be a mother. Here, I tell J-man about the day he was born. Thanks, Britt!

Happy birthday to my sweet, crazy boy! I love you and I love that every few years we share a special day.

Happy 7th Birthday Bubba and Miss-Miss!

Today, my dear sweet twins turn seven. For a less-abbreviated story that is tl;dr, click here.

If you would like to actually see the newly-minted 7-year-olds in action, with a special appearance by J-man and a photobomb courtesy of Ty-man, then look no further.

Happy Birthday, sweet twins! Love you both with all my heart!

Hole in My Head

Yep! I'm back! Lord, help us all!



(PS If you can't see the above video, click here to watch it on YouTube. AND GET OFF THE CRACKBOOK!)

The Kids Have Got It, Part 3

Yep, even J-man got in on the action. Here's the video of our youngest beginning his career as the Stig starting my minivan.



If you can't see the above video, click here to view it on YouTube. If you missed Valley Dude-speaking Bubba then click here, or if you want to see Miss-Miss tell a story check her out here!

The Kids Have Got It, Part 2

So, finally, here is part two of showing off my three hoodlums beautiful children. In this installment, Miss-Miss tells a story. By the way, she had about a three-minute warning that she was doing this and I think she did swimmingly!



If you can't see the above video click here to watch it directly on YouTube. And if you missed part 1, where Bubba teaches us how to talk like a Valley Dude, then click here or here.

The Kids Have Got It, Part 1

It's time to show you guys my kids in action. First up is Bubba!



If you're unable to see the above video, click here to watch it.

I Haz A Andy!

OR

Yeah, it's a video of my cat. Report me to Lolcats, see if I care!

My cat Andy is full of awesome and I'm lame enough to post a half-minute of video of him meowing on my blog.

Shut up.



If you can't see the video that's supposed to be right up there, click here! And then get off Crackbook and read this post from my blog!

Post Re-Visit 2

Tomorrow, we come back from Bonaire. Now? You can enjoy this video I made two years ago of J-man (at the tender age of eight months old) laughing his butt off while I fake-sneezed. Comedy gold, I tell you! J-man, not my double-chin. SHUT UP!



If you're reading this post on Facebook, click here to watch the video.

It's OVER!

As of 9AM this morning, the proposal will be delivered.

As of 3PM, Ty-man will be on his way home.

As of this evening, life around here will return to normal.

Thank goodness for family and Monty Python. Without grandparents, aunt, uncle, John Cleese, Michael Palin, Eric Idle, and all the rest, I never would have made it.

Hope Ty-man comes home in a plane and not a flying sheep.



(I nearly asphyxiate every time I watch this.)

If you're reading this post in Facebook, click here to watch the video.

Whatever.

Dude.

You ever feel like a sock puppet who wants to answer every question, every statement, with Whatever?

Me, too.

Whatever.

Warner Music Group Can Suck It

Do you guys remember my Blitzkrieg Spock video? Where I got bored, took various pictures of the kids' Kirk and Spock action figures fighting all over the house to the tune of the Ramones' "Blitzkrieg Bop" and turned it into a video? And the video actually looked like some weird Kirk/Spock sex thing? And it was somewhat amusing?

Yeah.

Well YouTube allowed Warner Music Group to mute the audio of said video.

Yeah.

Because even though I wasn't paid to make the video and I didn't charge people to watch the video, Warner Music Group is a bunch of preemptive jackasses. Oh, no, forget the fact that maybe watching my stupid little video will get someone interested in the Ramones' music and want to download it. Don't even bother to give me the option of adding a link to download said song. Or, gee, maybe add the video to the WMG channel on YouTube. Or maybe, I don't know, use COMMON FUCKING SENSE! *Pant, pant*

No, just delete the audio with no warning or notification to me, the creator of said video.

USSR, people. I'm just sayin'.

So, I have re-uploaded the video to Vimeo. And if it again gets screwed by "The Man" then I'll upload it somewhere else. And write another post about WARNER MUSIC GROUP and how much they SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF OUR CREATIVITY! And if it gets taken down AGAIN, then I'll just mail the video on CD to all of you. And send one to Warner Music Group. With a big middle finger emblazoned on the front of the envelope.

And then I'll need bail money from all of you. Thankssomuch and enjoy.

Fertile Left-Overs

Yeah. So, it's a vlog. From me.

SHOCKING!

It's a little long. Plus? It's all backwards. I'm still figuring out this whole movie-making process. Apologies.



PS I know I said it would be "live and uncut" but my computer crapped out half-way through, so I had to squish two videos together. Sue me.

Slacker

I've been a very, very naughty blogger.

For the past couple of weeks, I haven't replied to comments. Don't take it personally, I've just become lazy. Or busy. Or crazy?

All of the above.

And not only am I lazy replying to comments, I'm lazy regarding the writing of a blog post for today. Yesterday was fraught with school, vaccinations, defective school uniforms, and the consumption of any crappy food I could get my hands on.

So, instead of writing something pithy and amusing, I present you with my favorite music video of all time. While you watch, I will respond to my lonely comments and vow to keep up in the future.

Fears

Bet you all think this is a post where I get all deep and talk about those fears that keep me up at night watching info-mercials with Bill Mays.

You wish.

Instead, for your reading pleasure, here are the Top 4 Coal Miner's Granddaughter Fears That Were Caused By Modern-Day TV Storytelling!

Fear #1! Steven Spielberg and Stephen King can suck it! Thanks to Poltergeist and It, clowns are on the hit list. I can't stand the damned things. A very well-known doll maker lived down the street from us when I was a kid. She made gorgeous ceramic dolls and stuffed animals of all types. I still have one of her teddy bears. The clown doll she made me? Got stuffed in the closet, never again to see the light of day while I lived with my parents. Yeah. My mom is still bitter about that.



Fear #2! Port-a-Johns. Thank you very much, Chris Carter. I can't go into a port-a-potty without imagining that Flukeman from X-Files is looking up, watching my ass-end make contact with the seat. Yeah. Hate them with a passion.



Fear #3! Chuck Norris singing. My dad loved Walker, Texas Ranger. Watched it without fail. And he knew I hated the intro song, sung by Chuck Norris, with a passion. And he would turn up the volume just to taunt me. Yeah. Thanks Dad. Love you, too.

Only the strong-of-heart and/or deaf-of-ears should click on the below clip.



Fear #4! Billy Mays. Seriously, how can you not be scared of him? Every time I see a commercial for Orange Glow, I just want to drink the stuff just so the agonizing pain will end!

R.I.P. George Carlin!

So, unless you've been hiding under a rock, you all probably know that comedic genius George Carlin passed away over the weekend. And, if you know me, any excuse to throw up the "7 words you can't say on television" and not get in trouble for it because I didn't type them out, is a worthwhile excuse. So, for those of you with sensitive ears, don't watch the following clip (rather long clip at that). But, if you're up for ten minutes of those seven much-aligned words as well as some hearty laughs, click away.

Wherever you are George, hope you're making them laugh!

Gettin' the Heck Outta Dodge!

So, we're out of here. Mom-in-law is on kid duty with frequent assists from my mom and the Ty-man's brother and sister-in-law. God bless you all. I must apologize for my absence from reading and commenting the last couple of days. Turns out the twins have a nasty viral throat crud. So, when I'm not hand feeding three children or dosing them with alternating Tylenol and Motrin, I've been slowly losing my shit over the fact that I'm leaving. My sick children. Here. Without me. Ugh. When I get back, all will be well (literally) and I'll be back at your places. Promise.

Anyhoo, we're off to brave Atlanta traffic, airport security, body cavity searches, airplane peanuts, strangers sleeping and slobbering on my shoulder, one lay-over, and amorous honeymooners (a.k.a. mile-high clubbers). I'll be back in the blogverse next Friday. Until then, I've pre-written seven bright, sparkling posts for your reading enjoyment. Or pain.

Until then, enjoy this gem. It was the same dance I did this morning before leaving the house!

Mom My Ride

I spent Sunday celebrating my best friend's/sorority sister's 40th birthday party. Pound cake and margaritas may not sound like a great combo but, damn. We had an awesome time.

So, I leave for you, my loyal peeps, one of my favorite videos. Enjoy!

Eddie Izzard + Bling + Pimping = Sunday Post

Eddie Izzard is such a geek.

OK, maybe he isn't a geek, but he's certainly a comedic genius.

When I showed this to the Ty-man, he looked at the ground, shook his head, and said, "Oh. My. God."

There stood Eddie Izzard, diamond necklace, stiletto heels, and makeup, doing a riff about the Death Star.

It's just too damned funny not to share. Enjoy!



Click here for a direct link.

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A sweet lady named Donna over at Barefoot in the Country gave me this:



I'm speechless... I'm verklempt... I'm... I'm...

Thank you, hon! Now, I believe the idea is that I now forward this along to ten bloggers? Wow. Let me think about that one. I've got a week. Give me a week.

Until then, you rule Donna!

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And don't forget! One week from tonight! Sunday, April 6th, 6PM - 8PM (yet again, pimping for Fab....)



Just click on the above graphic to be taken to Fab's Blog Talk Radio site and next Sunday you'll be graced with the vocal talents of 18 bloggers singing with the Fab-man himself. Me? I'll be crooning to I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow. Hope you all can make it!

Blitzkrieg Spock

OK, never leave a geek alone and bored with Kirk and Spock dolls, a Barbie dress, a Ty-man, a big house, iMovie, iTunes, and a camera, because you'll end up with the following:



It's essentially Spock, dancing to the Ramone's Blitzkrieg Bop and Kirk, as usual, tries to Bogart his camera time. So in a fit of rage, Spock chases him all over the house, beating him up and getting the shit kicked out of himself in the process. He is triumphant in the end.

Although, after I finished the movie, I realized it actually looked like Kirk and Spock were getting ready for a night of the dirty bop.

I'm so lame...

Choppin' Broccoli

Yesterday, Avitable's vlog post had a song attached at the end that brought back some serious drunken college memories. Drunken college memories that include me attempting to imitate Dana Carvey's comedic genius of Choppin' Broccoli. Damn, that man was funny. So, here's the closest video I could find with Dana Carvey singing said song. Couldn't find the original SNL clip, just something from his stand-up routine. It's a bit long, but worth it. Enjoy!



Oh, and? Want to see me sing Choppin' Broccoli? Come to my house, get me sloshed on margaritas, and I'll think about. Might seal the deal if you throw in some Oreos. 'Kay?