As you may have noticed, my posts around here have been a bit scarce as of late. As have comments from me on many of your blogs.
It's because I'm a single mother.
Now, before all of you get your panties in a wad, my Facebook status still lists me as Married and the Ty-man and I are still nuptially bound and in love, but he is scarce around our home. Without going into specifics, Ty-man's company has 35 days to write a detailed proposal for their main customer. Said proposal will be long, in-depth, and it will take just about every waking hour of said 35 days to write. The proposal is due back to the customer on January 5th and if the customer chooses another company over us? Let's just say that would be bad. Really bad. So, between now and then, we're more like roommates than husband and wife. He kisses me and the kids, catches some shut-eye, and that's it. My partner in crime is not accessible and I'm not sure how to deal with it. The sharing of our days, hugs, laughter, all of it, is on hold. And that drives me nuts.
I honestly don't know how single parents do it. It's not just the madness of toddlers and the fatigue that brings you down, it's also not having that other half to depend on, bounce ideas off of, whine at for no reason. I find myself dragging through each day, not knowing how I'm going to finish it. I'm sleeping like the dead each night and napping through the afternoons with the kids. Is it because being a full-time parent is wearing me out? Is it depression? Is it that I just want to sleep through December and get to January 5th ASAP? I don't know. I just know that I'm barely making it.
I can't even come up with decent blog ideas. I stare at the screen and all that comes to mind is the dirty dishes or the Christmas cards to be sent or the broken toilet that needs to be replaced or the minivan that needs an oil change and 30,000 mile service or... well, you get the idea. Blogging is my emotional outlet and when I can't even muster the emotion required to write a post that is readable and doesn't embarrass me with its poor subject matter? Well, then something is definitely wrong.
I'm going to be scarce and I hate it. I'll be here, but I'll be watching, quietly. I'm conserving my energy for when the Ty-man is back. Mentally and physically.
Who Am I?
- Coal Miner's Granddaughter
- I am the 40-ish granddaughter of Frank (see header), a fiddle-playing coal miner from West Virginia. I was born and raised in said state and have lived in Georgia since 1994. I have a wonderful husband, three beautiful kids, one cranky cat, and one anxiety-ridden dog.
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Confessions of a Coal Miner's Granddaughter by Coal Miner's Granddaughter is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
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20 comments:
I understand...my husband has been working out of town quite a bit lately and it SUCKS. I really don't know how single parents do it - and I only have one to deal with!
Keep your chin up - it'll be January 5th before you know it!
That bites. I wish I could do or say something to cheer you up - help you out - but I'm too far away and besides, my babysitting skills border on the barbaric - you don't want me to be in charge of multiple kids - unless, of course, you have one of those WWF approved ceges installed in the house so me and the kids could go two falls out of three.
I'm sure D can identify with you to a degree (though she leaves every night to teach classes while I try to manage). Hope it goes by quickly and that he gets it all finished on time!
Pull yourself into survival mode and come back when you can. Been there, done that. My husband used to leave on Monday morning and not come home from work until Friday afternoon. It sucked at first, but we got into our own groove without him after a while.
Good luck, sweetie. I'll think good thoughts for you - both that the kids won't gang up on you with a roll of duct tape - and that you get that contract, thus making the sacrifice worth it.
No wad here, I don't wear panties.
Conserve your energy for parenting. We'll all be here when you get back.
Now... some assvice: Think about only one big issue a day. Get the oil changed one day, Christmas cards done (or partially done) another day (better yet, get them done online - http://www.paperculture.com/ (they'll even mail them for you for only the cost of a stamp). Do only what really needs to be done and try not to think about the rest. Oh, and rest. Napping is a great idea. Just be kind to yourself until you get on the other side of this.
Sorry to get all motherly on you, but I can't help it!
best wishes to ty-man and his company on the proposal and winning the business.
and i know you'll do a great job keeping christmas together for the family. you are a strong woman and you will get through this.
My wife travels quite a bit, though I think three weeks is the longest she's been away at a time. Things are definitely different when she is gone, but we've found routines. It helps a ton that my parents live nearby and are available for any sort of assistance.
When she is going to be gone less than a week, we go into a bit of a holding pattern where lots of stuff just doesn't get done. But when it's going to be longer, we switch into a sort of single-parent mode. It helps that my kids are 10 and 12. And, as I said, that my parents are nearby.
None of that is likely to be very helpful to you -- sorry about that. Of course, you weren't asking for advice anyway, so this is perfect. :-)
I know that feeling. Hubs would go to work at 5am and not get home until 7pm. A quick meal, a shower and sleep was all that would happen before he left again. Grab sleep whenever possible. Let the kids match up socks or fold washcloths. At least you manage to do things that way.
Cheer up Heather, it's almost January...
I don't know how you do it normally. Staying at home with kids is so damn much work. After a couple of weeks of 'vacation', I was counting the hours until I got to go back to work on Monday and relax.
Awwww - hang in there - January is right around the corner!! Best wishes to Ty man and the company.
Now - you take all the naps you need. :)
Good luck to Ty-man on the proposal.
I have been single for years with some periodic significant other interruption.
Perhaps I'm not a good role model.
Good luck nonetheless.
I hear ya, sister! Steve's travel schedule this summer left me single more times than I'd like to count. You'll make it, just hang in there, and don't worry about us - we'll still be here when you get back!
Well, it's no case of how "we" do it. It's a given and you just deal with it, like you are doing now. Half of the time I really don't know what the hell to do and how to deal with things, but there is just nothing else to it than to just deal with it...
Hope things with the proposal work out for the best and Ty-Man is "back" with you soon!
* HUG *
Don't you have someone who can come help? I'm sorry, Heather. (hug)
December is typically my busiest month. Wife hates it, but I love the fact that I get the overtime $$$ for Christmas. It's insanely stressful because she's at home alone with Tyler while I'm out working. She guilts me for working my long days, which pisses me off.... snowball effect.
Anyway... don't worry Heather. We'll wait for you.
We went through that hell this summer. It does get better, but it is going to feel like it is taking forever. I'm sorry hon.
Oh, wow, me TOO!! I'm in the same exact situation, (minus twins, ahem). I had the same exact thought: how do single mothers do this?!! We'll make it, lady, don't worry. Plus, the way I see it we're racking up serious points in the "mom's night out" leverage column. :D
It is so damn hard. My sympathies, dear single mother.
damn.
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